Anthropology Book Review
Mind Over Mind: The Anthropology and Psychology of Spirit Possession. Morton Klass. Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefield, 2003. 138 pp.
Morton Klass was a noted Anthropologist who focused primarily on religion, race relations, and social structures. He taught at Barnard College and Columbia University and was very driven by various cultures throughout the world. He also received his master’s degree and Ph.D. from Columbia University as well.
This book was published after the author’s death in 2001. His wife, Sheila Soloman Klass, put his manuscripts together while preserving as much of his own words as possible. She noted that his book’s intentions were to reach readers beyond anthropology, including psychology, as well. Dr. Klass seemed unsettled from anthropologists who seemed quick to dismiss spirit possession as fraudulent and deceptive with, perhaps, a hint of psychosis. But not true “spirit” or “demon” possession.
I selected this book because it dealt with many subjects that I’m passionate about. Cultural anthropology being one. The topic of other cultures, religions, and ways of life experienced by people different from myself is like a surprise on Christmas day. There is always something new to learn and some things are quite surprising! I also have a personal interest in the paranormal and how different groups view it. I felt that this book would put everything together perfectly. I did not have a definitive personal opinion regarding spirit possession, and since I was practically unbiased, I felt it would be a great topic to read about.
I respect Klass and his work, however this particular book was rather hard to read at times. I’m not an expert on anthropology by no means, but I felt the information he provided in the first few chapters to “introduce” the reader to anthropology was rather grueling. Sometimes it’s hard to find who his target audience is intended to be. At one point it seems somewhat elementary, and other times more of an experienced audience. He seems to go piece by piece introducing anthropology, but at the same time speaks to a more advanced audience. At the end of chapter two, however, Klass does point out the following:
“I am aware that in this chapter I have dragged the reader down an intricate and possibly even wearying road. My defense, simply, is that it was absolutely necessary if the nonanthropologist reading this book is to understand the suggestions I propose to offer about the nature of spirit possession. I think that this chapter is even necessary for my anthropological readers.” (35)
He moves on in chapter three by introducing James G. Frazer and his research of the spirit possession phenomenon. According to Klass, Frazer’s work on spirit possessions observed in countries around the world were questionable considering his observations were never made in the field. Klass moved on to compare Frazer with other anthropologists whose work did include first-hand observations. These include Alfred Metraux and his observations from Haiti, and Melville J. Herskovits and his work in Africa, Haiti, and the Caribbean.
Klass compared the work of Metraux and Herskovits and the similarities between the two regarding the onset of possession. However, he noted that others, such as Lesley Sharp, noted a far different onset. One that was more calm than the epileptic sort that they described. But Klass did a fantastic job giving detailed descriptions of the possessions that he experienced. He turns his attention later in the chapter to what is going on during the spirit possessions and finds that it is a topic often ignored in anthropology. Frazer’s proposal was that it was not as genuine as people are made to believe and that anthropologists even play in to the deception. Klass concedes that it is possible that at some point in history even an educated anthropologist can be fooled into believing, but does not agree this is always the case.
Klass later introduces anthropologist Paul Rabin as having his own explanation of what is going on in spirit possession. He describes it more of a “mental abnormality” affecting the shamans and medicine men of magic-centered cultures. But brings up the interesting question of “What is considered abnormal?” What is normal to one culture may be extremely abnormal to another. He even went on to describe his interactions with a “healer” (olja) in India in the 1960’s. The olja explains that the illnesses are caused by “tejos” and affect some people but not others to varying degrees.
Klass offers in the end of the chapter that we often try to offer simple explanations for something that is anything but simple. We are often biased and try to find a simpler explanation that soothes our own minds and doesn’t leave us thinking twice. I have to agree with how he thinks on the topic overall.
That leads in to the matter at hand in the next few chapters, which is the anthropologists place in “deciding” what really takes place in something such as spirit possession. In other cultural observations the anthropologist is keen to stay unbiased in their observations and conclusions, looking at “just the facts”. He also touches upon the need to understand fields, such as psychology, so that they can be contributing factors to the anthropologist. Klass focuses more on the psychopathological aspect of people being studied. Most notably dissociation and things such as Multiple Personality Disorder (Dissociative Identity Disorder).
Klass ends the book with combining everything into one. The hopes of getting a more thorough explanation as to what is going on with regards to spirit possession. From an anthropologists point of view, he leans away from using “mental disorder” as the explanation for what goes on with alleged spirit possession. Instead he offers up new categories that are not indicative of any sort of mental illness. He even wanders into the question of the uniqueness of this by humans only. If animals have any hint of personality, could they too be affected by the same things we find in humans with regards to dissociative disorders? Klass also goes further by identifying it as a phenomena rather than a disorder. Personally, I tend to agree with this approach.
Klass did a fantastic job of breaking down his ideas into various phenomena. The ones mentioned are Dissociative Consciousness Phenomena, Dissociative Identity Phenomena, and Imposed Dissociative Phenomena. His intention of identifying the various phenomena is to make a contribution to other sciences and specialties to reach more of an understanding. He makes a point to explain that there are still a lot of unanswered questions that still need to be resolved, but hopes that this is a big stepping stone.
Like most of Klass’ work, there is a lot of genius (for lack of a better word) in his approach and research into this topic. He is able to separate myth and preconceived ideas from what he was truly able to observe. He took subject matter that has no clear cut answer and attempts to make a modest explanation “achievable”. Overall the book is interesting, though difficult to read at times. But once you are able to get on a roll and understand his goals you see the real genius in his thought processes.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Monday, June 9, 2008
Anthropology Class Discussion - Race Relations
Well I have to say my Anthropology class in college is pretty interesting. For Chapter 4 we are discussing "Race". We are replying to the question "How is the concept of "race" a cultural construct and why do we still hear the term used?"
One student wrote this:
"This is a touchy subject to most people even though it should not be. yes i am white and i have been that way all of my life. the music out today that glorifies the fact that each race has to act a certain way does not help the smoothing out of the race line either. race is always going to be a factor because we as people make judgements on what we see, skin color, but the education of all people can make a better working society."
To which another student wrote this:
"Its not that its a touchy subject, but is an important issue to discuss. But on te other hand you may not see it as touchy subject or a big deal due to the fact that you are white and the chances of you getting racially profiled are slim to none. For instance when you hear rich people say money isnt important, well of course it isnt to them, they have it so it nothing to ever worry about. The same thing goes to racism, prejudice, and inequality, if it has never happened to you or its not something that is likely to happen to you, then of course you wouldnt see if as a problem. But unless you are living under a rock and dont watch your daily news, it is a very important topic and no matter what a lot of us may think, there are still people out there that believe and act as if they are superior to other people based on the color of his or her skin. And in the end that affects us ll especially if those are the same people that are making important decisions for the rest of the world. Im not mad, or getting on you or anything, I just wanted to inform you that thins may not seem as touchy or significant to you if it doesnt invlove you, but believe it or not peoples "race" affects them everyday, regarding getting a job, a home loan, a college loan. So it does mater."
Another student wrote:
"
I know what you're saying. That's a good point of comparing it to rich people. Take a millionaires money away and ask them how important it is LOL
I think everyone of every color and nationality has experienced some degree of racism. Just because someone is white doesn't mean they are immune to racism. There are situations in some parts of the country where whites are a minority, but they can't claim minority status. They are rejected by the majority as well. I've had it happen several times. It's not right to assume all whites are racist. I can't be held accountable for what someone did in the past who just happens to be the same color as me. I can only be accountable for my own actions and strive to do what's right. I just happen to be fascinated by people of all colors, nationalities, religions and it just amazes me how sometimes people might think just cause I'm white I'm racist. That's unfair. And please don't think I'm referring all this to you cause I'm not. I'm speaking in generality. Being bigoted is a problem with alot of people, not just one particular color. And take for example the fact that there's ALOT of scholarships I can't apply for because I'm not a particular color or nationality. Things like this are an issue to everyone to varying degrees.
It is a touchy subject in the sense that alot of people get really fired up over it. Sometimes you can't express your opinion without it becoming an all out fight. Which I'm hoping does not result from this."
And finally another student wrote:
"I think you make a very interesting point from the other side of a common racial issue in America. I am labeled "white" (although I have so many nationalities in my ancestry, I find it an arbitrary title!) and while there are many issues I don't have to deal with, I'm often surprised by how many I encounter because people assume I feel a certain way because I'm white. I grew up in an open-minded household, and have friends of many nationalities. I currently work as a secretary at a church in Decatur that has over 60 nationalities that attend the congregation. We will often have people come in seeking monetary assistance, and we have a fund for that. However, the fund always runs out before the end of the month and we end having to tell some people no. I have had several occassions where people end up screaming at me accusing me of not assisting them because they are of certain "race". They assume that because I'm not the same race, that's why they don't get any money, no matter how many times I explain it. It's very sad and difficult for me sometimes, because it hurts me that someone thinks I'm that shallow. I try to remember they've probably had numerous instances where that was the reason they were treated poorly and they may be more sensitive about it."
One student wrote this:
"This is a touchy subject to most people even though it should not be. yes i am white and i have been that way all of my life. the music out today that glorifies the fact that each race has to act a certain way does not help the smoothing out of the race line either. race is always going to be a factor because we as people make judgements on what we see, skin color, but the education of all people can make a better working society."
To which another student wrote this:
"Its not that its a touchy subject, but is an important issue to discuss. But on te other hand you may not see it as touchy subject or a big deal due to the fact that you are white and the chances of you getting racially profiled are slim to none. For instance when you hear rich people say money isnt important, well of course it isnt to them, they have it so it nothing to ever worry about. The same thing goes to racism, prejudice, and inequality, if it has never happened to you or its not something that is likely to happen to you, then of course you wouldnt see if as a problem. But unless you are living under a rock and dont watch your daily news, it is a very important topic and no matter what a lot of us may think, there are still people out there that believe and act as if they are superior to other people based on the color of his or her skin. And in the end that affects us ll especially if those are the same people that are making important decisions for the rest of the world. Im not mad, or getting on you or anything, I just wanted to inform you that thins may not seem as touchy or significant to you if it doesnt invlove you, but believe it or not peoples "race" affects them everyday, regarding getting a job, a home loan, a college loan. So it does mater."
Another student wrote:
"
I know what you're saying. That's a good point of comparing it to rich people. Take a millionaires money away and ask them how important it is LOL
I think everyone of every color and nationality has experienced some degree of racism. Just because someone is white doesn't mean they are immune to racism. There are situations in some parts of the country where whites are a minority, but they can't claim minority status. They are rejected by the majority as well. I've had it happen several times. It's not right to assume all whites are racist. I can't be held accountable for what someone did in the past who just happens to be the same color as me. I can only be accountable for my own actions and strive to do what's right. I just happen to be fascinated by people of all colors, nationalities, religions and it just amazes me how sometimes people might think just cause I'm white I'm racist. That's unfair. And please don't think I'm referring all this to you cause I'm not. I'm speaking in generality. Being bigoted is a problem with alot of people, not just one particular color. And take for example the fact that there's ALOT of scholarships I can't apply for because I'm not a particular color or nationality. Things like this are an issue to everyone to varying degrees.
It is a touchy subject in the sense that alot of people get really fired up over it. Sometimes you can't express your opinion without it becoming an all out fight. Which I'm hoping does not result from this."
And finally another student wrote:
"I think you make a very interesting point from the other side of a common racial issue in America. I am labeled "white" (although I have so many nationalities in my ancestry, I find it an arbitrary title!) and while there are many issues I don't have to deal with, I'm often surprised by how many I encounter because people assume I feel a certain way because I'm white. I grew up in an open-minded household, and have friends of many nationalities. I currently work as a secretary at a church in Decatur that has over 60 nationalities that attend the congregation. We will often have people come in seeking monetary assistance, and we have a fund for that. However, the fund always runs out before the end of the month and we end having to tell some people no. I have had several occassions where people end up screaming at me accusing me of not assisting them because they are of certain "race". They assume that because I'm not the same race, that's why they don't get any money, no matter how many times I explain it. It's very sad and difficult for me sometimes, because it hurts me that someone thinks I'm that shallow. I try to remember they've probably had numerous instances where that was the reason they were treated poorly and they may be more sensitive about it."
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Ethnocentric America?
In my summer Anthropology class (held online) we have to participate in discussions on subject matter from the book. For one particular chapter we had to discuss ethnocentrism. This is the belief that the ways of one's own culture are the only proper ones. Here is the question presented:
"Although all cultures across the world display some degree of ethnocentrism, some are more ethnocentric than others. In what ways is your own society ethnocentric? Considering the modern fact of globalization (as described in Chapter 1) do you think ethnocentrism poses more of a problem in today's world than in the past?"
What are your views on this? Personally I think that yes, the US does have this "we do it the best way" mentality sometimes, but compared to alot of countries we are sometimes more accepting of non-traditional ways. For instance, in some countries, not following the government mandated "norm" will get you killed. I would like to believe that the US is somewhat more forgiving in many ways. Of course, in some ways there's a long way to go. Take for instance north vs south. Growing up in the north I thought that the Civil War ended a long time ago. But when I moved to the south I found there are people who are still bitter about it and hate northerners. I don't see it too often here but I have encountered it.
For the second part of the question, I believe that given technology of today with telephone, television, internet, books, etc we are all more exposed to things across the world that 100 years ago we wouldn't have been. I mean, even when I was young I remember teen magazines with a classified section at the end that gave peoples names, interests, and addresses. You could have a penpal. It was the coolest thing when you got a letter back from someone in another state! Now look at us. Look at MySpace! Most likely you are from another state or even another country. As a "common" person would I have been able to reach you without the internet giving my thoughts on this subject? I think that ethnocentrism is less of a problem these days than it was 100 or even 500 years ago because we are exposed to so much more.
But I was really surprised to see just how many people felt differently than I did. I thought that there was more faith in us as Americans. Yes, sometimes we can be arrogant, but I would like to think we aren't that bad of a country. I think it's normal human nature to look at something that's different a little weird. But people have the freedom to keep alot of their own traditions in their own home. They don't have to turn 100% "American". They can remain individuals.
Take for example the Pastoralists in Africa. For years they were able to survive drought by moving to other parts of Africa. Now the governments won't allow them to move across borders and therefore they are forced to stay in the same drought stricken area. That results in starvation and death and other problems. All because their government wants control. You do things their way.
I guess I'm not 100% sure of how I feel about this. I see both sides, but I was really stricken by the bashing that went on in our class discussion boards. For once I kept my mouth shut. I'm just there to earn the grade that I work for and to get out of there, not to deal with drama.
"Although all cultures across the world display some degree of ethnocentrism, some are more ethnocentric than others. In what ways is your own society ethnocentric? Considering the modern fact of globalization (as described in Chapter 1) do you think ethnocentrism poses more of a problem in today's world than in the past?"
What are your views on this? Personally I think that yes, the US does have this "we do it the best way" mentality sometimes, but compared to alot of countries we are sometimes more accepting of non-traditional ways. For instance, in some countries, not following the government mandated "norm" will get you killed. I would like to believe that the US is somewhat more forgiving in many ways. Of course, in some ways there's a long way to go. Take for instance north vs south. Growing up in the north I thought that the Civil War ended a long time ago. But when I moved to the south I found there are people who are still bitter about it and hate northerners. I don't see it too often here but I have encountered it.
For the second part of the question, I believe that given technology of today with telephone, television, internet, books, etc we are all more exposed to things across the world that 100 years ago we wouldn't have been. I mean, even when I was young I remember teen magazines with a classified section at the end that gave peoples names, interests, and addresses. You could have a penpal. It was the coolest thing when you got a letter back from someone in another state! Now look at us. Look at MySpace! Most likely you are from another state or even another country. As a "common" person would I have been able to reach you without the internet giving my thoughts on this subject? I think that ethnocentrism is less of a problem these days than it was 100 or even 500 years ago because we are exposed to so much more.
But I was really surprised to see just how many people felt differently than I did. I thought that there was more faith in us as Americans. Yes, sometimes we can be arrogant, but I would like to think we aren't that bad of a country. I think it's normal human nature to look at something that's different a little weird. But people have the freedom to keep alot of their own traditions in their own home. They don't have to turn 100% "American". They can remain individuals.
Take for example the Pastoralists in Africa. For years they were able to survive drought by moving to other parts of Africa. Now the governments won't allow them to move across borders and therefore they are forced to stay in the same drought stricken area. That results in starvation and death and other problems. All because their government wants control. You do things their way.
I guess I'm not 100% sure of how I feel about this. I see both sides, but I was really stricken by the bashing that went on in our class discussion boards. For once I kept my mouth shut. I'm just there to earn the grade that I work for and to get out of there, not to deal with drama.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Myrtle Beach Day One!
Ok this is my first time in Myrtle Beach. Like I said before, this is the closest I was able to get to Virginia Beach. I used to live there and it killed me to leave. I've been dying to go back but was never able to. I literally feel like I left a part of me there. But as soon as we got to our oceanfront room I changed into my swimsuit and got everyone ready to go out.
Ahhhh it was so nice to hit the sand again! To feel it under my feet and wash from under my toes. It's just the little things! And the water was perfect. Colin wasn't even scared of the sand or the water! When Cody was little he was so scared of getting on the sand and wouldn't even go close to the ocean! But Colin had his buckets and shovels. We went right away looking for shells. That was the coolest thing to him. He had this starfish shaped thing (that ironically he's playing with it right now!) and was making little "Patricks" in the sand - like SpongeBob SquarePants. He get a kick out of it!
Marty had a blast in the water too. We took turns staying with Colin. The other person went out deeper in the water with Cody and we'd get swept off our feet by the waves! I got hit by one strong one in particular and I took a rough tumble but I'm cool. Cody took a couple real bad ones but all in all it was so much fun! We laughed so hard our stomachs hurt!
Later we went to the hotel pool and swam in the kiddie pool (Colin was in HEAVEN with it!) And Cody, Marty, and I (2 at a time) hung out in the hot tub. It's was HOT. But once I was used to it it was ok.
We went back to the room, I took a shower, and then we walked to a restaurant up the road. It was a pricey place and the service sucked! Marty and I had Crab Stuffed Flounder with Hollandaise sauce. The food definitely wasn't worth the money we paid. I'm pretty disappointed. But we paid and left. It was after 10:00 pm by this point. Afterwards we all walked the beach barefoot and did more shell hunting. The breeze was AWESOME and there was a thunderstorm off in the ocean. We turned around and went back when we found a Jellyfish washed up on the beach.
Well, now I think I'll call it a night. I'm never down this early. I got a beach to hit tomorrow!!!
Oh and I found out the other day my best friend is joining us on Tuesday!! Kenzie, her husband, her daughter (who I swear is getting married to Cody one day), and their 1 year old son. We all get along great and we'll have SOOOOO much fun!!!!
Ahhhh it was so nice to hit the sand again! To feel it under my feet and wash from under my toes. It's just the little things! And the water was perfect. Colin wasn't even scared of the sand or the water! When Cody was little he was so scared of getting on the sand and wouldn't even go close to the ocean! But Colin had his buckets and shovels. We went right away looking for shells. That was the coolest thing to him. He had this starfish shaped thing (that ironically he's playing with it right now!) and was making little "Patricks" in the sand - like SpongeBob SquarePants. He get a kick out of it!
Marty had a blast in the water too. We took turns staying with Colin. The other person went out deeper in the water with Cody and we'd get swept off our feet by the waves! I got hit by one strong one in particular and I took a rough tumble but I'm cool. Cody took a couple real bad ones but all in all it was so much fun! We laughed so hard our stomachs hurt!
Later we went to the hotel pool and swam in the kiddie pool (Colin was in HEAVEN with it!) And Cody, Marty, and I (2 at a time) hung out in the hot tub. It's was HOT. But once I was used to it it was ok.
We went back to the room, I took a shower, and then we walked to a restaurant up the road. It was a pricey place and the service sucked! Marty and I had Crab Stuffed Flounder with Hollandaise sauce. The food definitely wasn't worth the money we paid. I'm pretty disappointed. But we paid and left. It was after 10:00 pm by this point. Afterwards we all walked the beach barefoot and did more shell hunting. The breeze was AWESOME and there was a thunderstorm off in the ocean. We turned around and went back when we found a Jellyfish washed up on the beach.
Well, now I think I'll call it a night. I'm never down this early. I got a beach to hit tomorrow!!!
Oh and I found out the other day my best friend is joining us on Tuesday!! Kenzie, her husband, her daughter (who I swear is getting married to Cody one day), and their 1 year old son. We all get along great and we'll have SOOOOO much fun!!!!
Friday, May 30, 2008
The Paranormal
Ok, you may have read my blog the other day from the house we went to check out that had the double murder in it. Things like that gets me thinking about the bigger picture. Is there anything to be afraid of? Do ghosts exist? I, almost without a doubt, believe in the possibility. I'd love to hear from all of you. Have you ever experienced anything "paranormal"? Seen a ghost? Been to a place that just wasn't quite "right"?
Back in my home town there was a place called the Tuberculosis Hospital that is basically in ruins today. I even hear that it was torn down in the last few years. But I visited there back when I was in high school and that place scared the hell outta me!!! There's videos on youtube about it and everything (just search for Lima Ohio tuberculosis hospital or tb hospital). There's websites dedicated to it as well.
Back in my home town there was a place called the Tuberculosis Hospital that is basically in ruins today. I even hear that it was torn down in the last few years. But I visited there back when I was in high school and that place scared the hell outta me!!! There's videos on youtube about it and everything (just search for Lima Ohio tuberculosis hospital or tb hospital). There's websites dedicated to it as well.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
I can't sleep!
I've got so much on my mind. One thing is going to Myrtle Beach. We're all real excited and went shopping today for stuff for our trip.
My best friend told me a few weeks ago about a house in her neighborhood that's for sale. Today we went and walked through the house. Now I can't stop thinking about it. Here's the thing.
Back in January 2 people were killed in the house. When my friends husband went through the house a few weeks before us he said the carpet was tore up in the living room and the bedroom where the people were found. When we went there today they had the carpet replaced.
The lady (Rachel Buser) was my age. She was safe in her own home and someone came in and in the blink of an eye took her life! Her husband (Jay Nevels) was just younger than Marty. Do I think I could handle living in that house, especially since my husband doesn't get home until real late at night? No, most likely not. I'm not psychic and I've never "seen" a ghost, but I definitely believe the negative energy from something as tragic as this can affect a physical place. I don't think I could handle wondering "What's that noise?!" all the time. I have to admit I didn't feel incredibly spooked when I was in the house. However when going into the bathroom in the master bedroom I felt really sad. That's when I got to thinking about everything. It seems like these were some nice people from what I've read online. It's just so sad. I've got to clear it out of my mind.
My best friend told me a few weeks ago about a house in her neighborhood that's for sale. Today we went and walked through the house. Now I can't stop thinking about it. Here's the thing.
Back in January 2 people were killed in the house. When my friends husband went through the house a few weeks before us he said the carpet was tore up in the living room and the bedroom where the people were found. When we went there today they had the carpet replaced.
The lady (Rachel Buser) was my age. She was safe in her own home and someone came in and in the blink of an eye took her life! Her husband (Jay Nevels) was just younger than Marty. Do I think I could handle living in that house, especially since my husband doesn't get home until real late at night? No, most likely not. I'm not psychic and I've never "seen" a ghost, but I definitely believe the negative energy from something as tragic as this can affect a physical place. I don't think I could handle wondering "What's that noise?!" all the time. I have to admit I didn't feel incredibly spooked when I was in the house. However when going into the bathroom in the master bedroom I felt really sad. That's when I got to thinking about everything. It seems like these were some nice people from what I've read online. It's just so sad. I've got to clear it out of my mind.
Friday, May 9, 2008
A candid look at my emotions on this day
Ok, I'm determined NOT to get depressed today. It's my brothers birthday. I can't believe he'd be 27 this year. Damnit I should be calling him up today teasing him about being an old dude. I know I can never understand the pain he felt that led him to take such drastic measures to deal with things.
I'll admit, there were a few times YEARS ago when I wanted to take my own life. My life hit an absolute rock bottom. I felt the world would be better off without me. I was in such an abusive relationship and felt I had nowhere to go. Noone to run to. I couldn't see into the future. I wanted to go away, I thought I wanted to die, but I realize that I just wanted the situation to change.
Now I count my blessings literally every day. I thank God every single day for the husband I have, for the beautiful children I have, I could do without diabetes but for the most part I'm healthy. We're comfortable financially, we have a nice place to live, we have two vehicles that are paid off, clean clothes on our back, plenty of food... all that. I'm blessed. I'm happy.
But back then I didn't see all this in my future. I felt trapped. Was this how David felt the night he chose to take his own life? He had a beautiful little girl. Damnit how could he leave her?!?!?!?!!!! Or did he feel so worthless that he felt she'd grow up happier without him, like I once felt about my own child? What if someone saw him that night and diverted his attention away from his plans and he lived to see another day? Would he be looking back right this minute remembering the night he almost took his life? Would HE be the one counting his blessings and thanking God that he's alive?
When my brother looked at his life why couldn't he have thought that he at least had a sister that loved him so much? Why? Cause I screwed that up. I should have been closer to him. I should have talked to him more. All the love I express for him now doesn't really matter does it? Can he see the tears that are running down my face and the pain I feel inside of me? Can he know that I'm so damn sorry?
I can't even step foot in the state of Ohio. I don't want to see every place that I once saw my brother. If I'm here in Georgia, nothing is missing. Nothing is out of place. The last time I was in Ohio I said goodbye to my brother at his funeral. I don't want to go back.
I've got all this off my chest now. I've let it go. I hope for the rest of the day I can be more at ease. So many people tell me he's at rest. He's happy now. That's all I want. I want it to be true. I wish I knew for sure. I will never, ever forget the night when I was in Ohio for my brother's funeral. The night that I felt a gentle tug at my hair and an intense flood of emotions. Only three words "It's ok, Sis". I believe in the possibility of the "dead" contacting the living. I've just never experienced it before that night. I spent years second guessing myself. Did he make contact with me? It sounds crazy! But I don't care anymore! I KNOW without a doubt he did. He wanted me to know he was at rest. "It's ok, Sis"
I'll end this blog by reposting an older blog:
When David was in high school he started hanging with "the wrong crowd" and found himself in a gang and on drugs. He started dating this girl during this time. Him and her ended up having a very precious girl, Illana. That's what it took to turn his life around. He cleaned himself up and got his GED and went on to college to be a firefighter/paramedic just like our dad. For someone so young to go out and become a paramedic is quite a feat!
(From the webpage):
One thing I always remembered about him is that he was a "Little Mike" (Mike is our dad's name). My dad is a firefighter/paramedic and my brother just always seemed to want to follow in his footsteps. Literally. Even the way they walked was the same. His dream came true the day he got his paramedic's license.
I don't know why David is gone. I take comfort in believing his is with God. The stress of everyday life and the stress of his line of work, helping others, gone now being held in the comforting arms of God. I simply believe that he was sent here with a purpose. He was to help so many people. And he did. He touched many lives. But it doesn't answer all of my questions. There's still a huge "Why?"
The Most Touching Funeral
If my brother ever felt like noone cared about him, he had the truth slap him in the face at his funeral. There were two visitations the day before his funeral. The second one lasted longer than we expected. The line wrapped around the room and out the door and continued through the hallway. There must have been 200 people there that night alone. The day of his funeral the room was packed. People even stood in the hallways packed in. My brother touched so many people.
Leading the procession were firetrucks and ambulances from departments all over the county. There was a line of cars that continued for miles, I'm sure. The city was shut down for quite awhile. Natalie said that he always enjoyed making people mad. My dad said "This is for all of you people that wouldn't pull over for him when he came through with lights and sirens." That's the funniest statement I heard during such a difficult time. It still makes me laugh.
My brother had a beautiful spot, within sight of my grandmother and grandfathers site. He had a beautiful view from the top of a small hill.
Three doves were released that day as Life Flight, a medical helicopter that my brother always dreamed of flying with, flew over. Quite honestly, we were just worried that the doves and the helicopter wouldn't mix right without a mess. But even if they did run into each other, my brother would have wanted it that way. :-)
Life Flight stopped over where my brother was, bowed down to him, turned around and sped upwards to the sky. I heard it it symbolized carrying him off to heaven. Everyone there knows the story of the first dove. After it was released, it flew over to one of the ambulances like it was about to land on it. But instead, it flew to a tree overlooking everybody. It stayed there the entire time and watched, while the other doves flew away. Everyone said it must be David watching us. So we decided to put it to the test. Since I was his mean big sister, it was me who had to walk over to the tree, stand under the bird, and wait for it to poop on me. Then we'd know it was David. I actually hoped it would have. But he was constipated because he didn't poop on my head. Either that, or my brother wanted to be nice.
The Story of Life Flight
The way I understand it, while my brother was in paramedic class, he always made first in the class. Until the very end. There was a girl in the class who was struggling. David tutored her to help her pass. She ended up making first in the class in the very end by just a hair. My brother made second. Whoever was able to make first in class would have the opportunity to fly with Life Flight. My brother was so upset that he didn't make it. But in the end, it was Life Flight that bowed to him and carried him off to Heaven.
br
I'll admit, there were a few times YEARS ago when I wanted to take my own life. My life hit an absolute rock bottom. I felt the world would be better off without me. I was in such an abusive relationship and felt I had nowhere to go. Noone to run to. I couldn't see into the future. I wanted to go away, I thought I wanted to die, but I realize that I just wanted the situation to change.
Now I count my blessings literally every day. I thank God every single day for the husband I have, for the beautiful children I have, I could do without diabetes but for the most part I'm healthy. We're comfortable financially, we have a nice place to live, we have two vehicles that are paid off, clean clothes on our back, plenty of food... all that. I'm blessed. I'm happy.
But back then I didn't see all this in my future. I felt trapped. Was this how David felt the night he chose to take his own life? He had a beautiful little girl. Damnit how could he leave her?!?!?!?!!!! Or did he feel so worthless that he felt she'd grow up happier without him, like I once felt about my own child? What if someone saw him that night and diverted his attention away from his plans and he lived to see another day? Would he be looking back right this minute remembering the night he almost took his life? Would HE be the one counting his blessings and thanking God that he's alive?
When my brother looked at his life why couldn't he have thought that he at least had a sister that loved him so much? Why? Cause I screwed that up. I should have been closer to him. I should have talked to him more. All the love I express for him now doesn't really matter does it? Can he see the tears that are running down my face and the pain I feel inside of me? Can he know that I'm so damn sorry?
I can't even step foot in the state of Ohio. I don't want to see every place that I once saw my brother. If I'm here in Georgia, nothing is missing. Nothing is out of place. The last time I was in Ohio I said goodbye to my brother at his funeral. I don't want to go back.
I've got all this off my chest now. I've let it go. I hope for the rest of the day I can be more at ease. So many people tell me he's at rest. He's happy now. That's all I want. I want it to be true. I wish I knew for sure. I will never, ever forget the night when I was in Ohio for my brother's funeral. The night that I felt a gentle tug at my hair and an intense flood of emotions. Only three words "It's ok, Sis". I believe in the possibility of the "dead" contacting the living. I've just never experienced it before that night. I spent years second guessing myself. Did he make contact with me? It sounds crazy! But I don't care anymore! I KNOW without a doubt he did. He wanted me to know he was at rest. "It's ok, Sis"
I'll end this blog by reposting an older blog:
When David was in high school he started hanging with "the wrong crowd" and found himself in a gang and on drugs. He started dating this girl during this time. Him and her ended up having a very precious girl, Illana. That's what it took to turn his life around. He cleaned himself up and got his GED and went on to college to be a firefighter/paramedic just like our dad. For someone so young to go out and become a paramedic is quite a feat!
(From the webpage):
One thing I always remembered about him is that he was a "Little Mike" (Mike is our dad's name). My dad is a firefighter/paramedic and my brother just always seemed to want to follow in his footsteps. Literally. Even the way they walked was the same. His dream came true the day he got his paramedic's license.
I don't know why David is gone. I take comfort in believing his is with God. The stress of everyday life and the stress of his line of work, helping others, gone now being held in the comforting arms of God. I simply believe that he was sent here with a purpose. He was to help so many people. And he did. He touched many lives. But it doesn't answer all of my questions. There's still a huge "Why?"
The Most Touching Funeral
If my brother ever felt like noone cared about him, he had the truth slap him in the face at his funeral. There were two visitations the day before his funeral. The second one lasted longer than we expected. The line wrapped around the room and out the door and continued through the hallway. There must have been 200 people there that night alone. The day of his funeral the room was packed. People even stood in the hallways packed in. My brother touched so many people.
Leading the procession were firetrucks and ambulances from departments all over the county. There was a line of cars that continued for miles, I'm sure. The city was shut down for quite awhile. Natalie said that he always enjoyed making people mad. My dad said "This is for all of you people that wouldn't pull over for him when he came through with lights and sirens." That's the funniest statement I heard during such a difficult time. It still makes me laugh.
My brother had a beautiful spot, within sight of my grandmother and grandfathers site. He had a beautiful view from the top of a small hill.
Three doves were released that day as Life Flight, a medical helicopter that my brother always dreamed of flying with, flew over. Quite honestly, we were just worried that the doves and the helicopter wouldn't mix right without a mess. But even if they did run into each other, my brother would have wanted it that way. :-)
Life Flight stopped over where my brother was, bowed down to him, turned around and sped upwards to the sky. I heard it it symbolized carrying him off to heaven. Everyone there knows the story of the first dove. After it was released, it flew over to one of the ambulances like it was about to land on it. But instead, it flew to a tree overlooking everybody. It stayed there the entire time and watched, while the other doves flew away. Everyone said it must be David watching us. So we decided to put it to the test. Since I was his mean big sister, it was me who had to walk over to the tree, stand under the bird, and wait for it to poop on me. Then we'd know it was David. I actually hoped it would have. But he was constipated because he didn't poop on my head. Either that, or my brother wanted to be nice.
The Story of Life Flight
The way I understand it, while my brother was in paramedic class, he always made first in the class. Until the very end. There was a girl in the class who was struggling. David tutored her to help her pass. She ended up making first in the class in the very end by just a hair. My brother made second. Whoever was able to make first in class would have the opportunity to fly with Life Flight. My brother was so upset that he didn't make it. But in the end, it was Life Flight that bowed to him and carried him off to Heaven.
br
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
