Mondays Suck

Well alot has happened since the last time I posted in my blog to actually say something. Of course, the most notable was the passing of Baby Meriah. She is my husband's niece, Jessica's, daughter. Let me tell you a little about Jessica. I met her 6 years ago at a family dinner. I believe it was Christmas. I am so shy when it comes to people I don't know. Ok, throw me in a situation with about 50 loud people who happen to be my new boyfriends family. I want to make a good impression and earn their respect. But this is like My Big Fat Greek Wedding shit going on! LOL But when I'm overwhelmed I shut down and hide. So I went to the couch. Now, don't get me wrong. He doesn't have a bad family. I love them all dearly, even though I'm sure there's a few who couldn't care less about me. Their loss, I still love them. Anyways... so I retreat to the couch. In comes this real pretty girl who is probably like 14, but looks 20. She sits next to me, sweet as can be and just starts chatting. Turns out we liked alot of the same things. Ok... I like this girl!! Although family gatherings continued to be intimidating to me I was always happy the few times Jessica actually was able to show up.

So imagine my surprise when 6 years later I find out she's going to have a baby of her own! Wow! If anyone can do it it's Jessica. I ended up finding her here on myspace and we emailed each other back and forth about a million times. It was so good to talk to her again. She traveled alot between Atlanta and Indianapolis so I hardly got to see her. Since my main drive in life is to be a Midwife I enjoyed talking to her about her pregnancy and reassuring her that "cesarean's are a breeze". Ok, it was for me both times LOL

I still remember the night I got the call from Marty's step-mother (Jessica's grandmother) that Jessica had her baby. I was on cloud nine!!! It was late at night, well, around 10 or 11. I couldn't sleep cause I had the adrenaline rush. I was so happy everything worked out good.

After she had her baby I would hear people talk about how she was a fantastic mother and I was so proud of her. Yeap. I knew she could do it. But then I got a call from Marty that Jessica's baby was sick in the hospital up in Indianapolis. Ironically she was sick with the same thing my cousin's (once again, ironically, named Jessica) one-month-old baby had. Strep pneumonia. I followed her situation over the last 2 or 3 weeks just praying that Meriah and Jessica would get a break. It never came. Meriah passed away Friday afternoon at 5:30pm.

It just pisses me off cause Jessica doesn't deserve this. I believe God has a plan and a reason for everything. But it just never makes sense. I hear she's not doing too bad considering. But right after a death is a weird time. It's like you're still in shock. You haven't really experienced life without that person not around. You're so busy planning the funeral that you don't have time to grieve. Everyone is there for you. There are flowers and cards everywhere. Phone calls galore. Visitors non-stop. Then everything quiets down. That's when it hits you. It's like the show is over and something is missing.

I HATE DEATH!!! It's so cruel and unforgiving. It's like evil in the pain it inflicts, but is still by the hand of God. Soon we find our comfort zone and find ways to cope. We turn out stronger and live to tell the tale. I guess just like I'm doing right now. I've endured the loss of my grandmother, my daughter, and a few other close family members and miscarriages. It never gets easier and you just wait for the next one to go.

Much love to Jessica and Meriah.