Diabetes, Miscarriage, TTC and everything (long!)

Ok right now we are in the discovery phase of trying to have another baby. We want to wait until I am licensed and working. BTW Good news is that I might have a job lined up as an RN once I pass the boards! So I'm praying that works out. At first she just wanted to offer me a PRN position, but once she found out that I'd be an RN, not an LPN, she got excited and said that she will have a FT position for me (but I have to have my license before I can practice as an RN of course).

So anyways. A little history. There was a time when I was married to my first husband that we were trying for a baby. We went years unable to conceive. And this was after we already had a son (he was a surprise). In fact, after I had my son I went months and months with no period. They were REAL erratic. I was lucky to have 2 or 3 a year. I went to the Navy doctor and she just brushed it off saying I was too young to have fertility issues (I was 20). According to her the only way for me to get pregnant was to have monthly periods and the only way to have monthly periods was to go on the pill. Whatever. Needless to say I never did get pregnant again. Good thing too because him and I divorced a few years later.

Jump ahead a few years. Still erratic and rare periods. My current husband and I were dating for over two years and I was feeling really sick all the time (no, not like you think). I felt really emotional, tired, and just real lousy. I was trying to lose weight on the Atkins Diet. For those of you who aren't too familiar with it you barely eat any carbs and that makes your body burn fat for energy (rather than using carbs). A by-product of this is something called ketones. More ketones = more fat burning. You can buy test strips to check this. Anyways, Marty and I were on the diet together at the same time. His will power is greater and he stuck to it religiously. I cheated LOL But one night we bought ketone test strips to check out progress. YAY! He was showing trace ketones! That meant he was really starting to burn fat! Then I went to check, fully expecting to confront my food cheating ways to a negative ketone strip. Imagine my surprise when I had off the chart ketones! My body was flooded with ketones and I wasn't even trying! I thought that was a great thing, but it was actually pointing to something more serious.

So I set up an appointment for all of this yucky feelings I had. I wasn't even thinking about the ketones at that time. So I went to my doctor and she put me on the pill for the periods (and the fact we weren't TTC). She also did the routine tests and sent me on my way. A few days later I got a call back. She wanted me to come in to have my blood retested. There were some numbers out of whack. So I came in and sure enough a few days later I got a call to come in to the office.

When I came in my doctor told me that my blood tests were showing that I might have diabetes. My fasting blood sugar was very high and she wanted me to be seen as soon as possible with a specialist in town. I got an appointment for him as well. I had to come in the next day for a fasting blood sugar check. I couldn't eat after midnight. I was so scared of having diabetes that I didn't eat after 9 the night before. I wanted my blood sugar to be as low as possible.

That morning I drove to the doctor's office as scared as could be. My beloved grandmother died years before within a month of being diagnosed with diabetes. That was so traumatic I didn't want to die either. I went in and they pricked my finger and put the blood on a strip. I asked the nurse what it needs to be and she said less than 110 to be normal. A few seconds later a number popped up. I looked at the machine and then looked at her as numb as could be waiting for her to say something. "Honey I think you're diabetic". Instantly I broke down. No way! I can't be diabetic! The nurse left the room to go get the doctor.

He came in and introduced himself. He was very kind and seemed to be understanding. I was waiting for him to say "Well, I don't think you're diabetic". But he didn't. He just confirmed that all the fasting blood tests all pointed to one thing. I was diabetic. He explained that's why I was feeling so run down and sick. Also explained how emotional I was during the holidays when all I did was ate and ate. My blood sugar was probably sky rocketing. It also explained the high ketones that were showing up on the strip. My body didn't have enough insulin to turn the carbs I ate into energy, so it was feeding off of my body. But in diabetics, high ketones can be dangerous.

They tried me on a special diet and eventually two different medications. I had to check my blood sugar several times a day and report those numbers to my doctor. The numbers were still very high and weren't coming down. So my doctor decided to add insulin shots to my daily care. So I had to learn how to give myself shots every day. Eventually that helped quite a bit.

In the meantime, my original OB/GYN diagnosed me with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, or PCOS. Women with PCOS generally don't ovulate and have erratic periods. They also tend to put alot of weight on. All of that was happening to me. The treatment for PCOS is a diabetes drug called Metformin (Glucophage). That just happened to be the medication they put me on for the high blood sugar.

So I was suddenly on all of these pills and injections for diabetes and PCOS. But a few months later I was back to no periods. What the heck? I went to the doctor and I couldn't believe it. I was pregnant! WHAAAT? Because we weren't expecting it we were pretty shocked. But eventually Marty and I got used to the idea and became SO excited. We eventually went to the doctor for an ultrasound. I was 9 weeks pregnant and we watched our baby on the screen. It looked like it was kicking and waving at us! Wow. It looked like a little teddy bear. We named it "Baby Bear".

Because I was diabetic I had to set up an appointment with a Maternal-Fetal Specialist. Since we just had an ultrasound the week before Marty went on to work that day. But this doctor wanted a baseline for their records. YAY! I get to see my baby again!

But when the nurse showed the baby up on the screen she started asking me questions like when I had my last ultrasound and what they said and all that. I could tell something was wrong. It looked like the baby was at the bottom of that black sac and wasn't moving around like it was the week before. No kicks, no waves. The nurse tried to scan for a heart beat but wasn't able to find one. She said she was going to get the doctor and in the meantime I could call Marty. I called him up on his way to work and I told him they couldn't find a heartbeat on the baby. He said he was turning around and coming there right away.

Finally the doctor came in and took a look at the monitor. He confirmed that some time between my last ultrasound and that day our baby died inside of me. My body hadn't realized it yet. I wasn't cramping or bleeding or anything. I still had morning sickness. But there was no doubt. He sent Marty and I to my regular OB/GYN and while we were driving they called ahead to his office. When we got there they took us back right away. Emotionally we were a mess. Shocked.

My doctor gave me the option of waiting for my body to miscarry at home or to go to the hospital for a D&C. I didn't like the idea of the D&C, but because I had a stillborn baby in the past that I didn't go into labor for (and ended up in a septic shock coma) we all decided it was best to do the D&C so we wouldn't risk another septic missed miscarriage.

I was a mess that night. Marty took care of me all night. I wanted to take Nyquil just to knock myself out and then to have the surgery done at the hospital the next morning. But for a moment it crossed my mind that I couldn't take Nyquil because I was pregnant. Then I remembered, yes I'm pregnant, but my baby isn't alive. So in grief I took the Nyquil.

I spent a week off of work and I was so upset. I hurt so bad emotionally an physically. When I followed up with the doctor again he put me on a stronger birth control pill, thinking it would work better than the low dose pill I was on.

A couple of months later - SURPRISE! We're pregnant. WHAAAAT?! HOW?! I TOOK THE PILLS RELIGIOUSLY!!

Since we just lost the last baby we were scared to be pregnant again. Plus we weren't married yet and we received alot of grief over the last pregnancy out of wedlock. Great. How do we tell people we're pregnant again. Ugh.

Well, this time I didn't miscarry. We eventually became so excited and on September 5, 2004 our son Colin Joseph was born. He was 5 weeks premature and spent a week in NICU on a breathing machine but he did great after that. Now he's almost 5 years old!

So now here we are. For the last 2 years we have considered adding one more baby to our beautiful mix. Yes, we've been married now for a number of years :-) and we have an amazing marriage. I just can't even begin to explain how in love we are. Every day is like a honeymoon. Just so in love. We're both college educated and once I'm employed in the next month or two we are going to start trying big time.

But for now I am checking my basal body temperature to see if I even ovulate. According to last months chart I DID ovulate!!! And the luteal phase is long enough to support a pregnancy, if one occurs. So once I'm employed as an RN and bringing in an income we're going to make it happen. My new OB/GYN wants to try me on a fertility drug called Clomid because of my history with PCOS, but we're going to try it the natural way (without the high risk of twins and triplets!) And if we aren't able to get pregnant on our own then I'll have my temperature charts to show the doctor.

Please let me know if you are interested in this temperature tracking site. It's completely free and offers explanations and support all the way. I highly recommend it. Simply post a comment or send me an email to gapolaks (at) (gmail) (dot) com and I'll send you an invite! :-)