Well, this is it! My last blog of the year. It's been a pretty eventful year for all of us. Hmmm... let me just review my year.
January - I started Anatomy & Physiology II in college. My professor was pretty cool. Mr. Hosseini. I also left my job at CR Bard. I wasn't sad at all. The job itself was nice. I met lots of really cool people that I still keep in touch with. But got to know 3 absolutely freaked out women that I'm happy to never work with again! LOL
February - We got our tax return back and it all went to getting a new engine on Marty's car. ARGH!
March - I don't remember March.
April - I was offered a position back at my old job at Hill-Phoenix. This was an opportunity to be back with all of my best friends. My old boss was quitting and my best friend was about to go on maternity leave.
May - This was a cool month of nothing but TRAINING! Every day we swore would be my friends last day at work. Nope, she never did have him in May.
June - She eventually has her little boy this month. I know she felt so relieved! I started Summer Semester (my 5th college semester). It consisted of Microbiology lecture and lab and Public Speaking. Ugh. LOL. Fortunately I passed! YAY!
July - This was a HOT month! AHHH! And it seemed it was all work and school. No fun LOL Cody also started middle school. 6th grade!
August - This was my last month back at HP. My friend came back and I started NURSING SCHOOL!!!!!!! My mom also came down to visit for 2 weeks. That was nice having her there. Unfortunately while she was here I ended up with horrible stomach pains that never really went away. After a trip to the ER and being pumped full of some wonderful IV drugs I found out I had a peptic ulcer. Figures! Why not?
September - It was stressful. Especially since we were frontloading in school. There was also a bunch of run around as to where we were going to be doing clinicals. In the end I found out I was at Dekalb Medical in Cardiac Telemetry. Colin also turned 3 years old.
October - The lecture schedule started to lighten up and clinicals started. Besides getting up at 5 am to meet my patients at 6:30 clinicals were great! I was finally playing nurse!
November - Clinicals finished up and we got lots of breaks from school. Cody also turned 12. Wow. He's getting so old! He got a Razr cellphone and couldn't be happier!
December - I passed nursing with a B! I would have been surprised with a C. I also received my first assignments for next semesters nursing and got started on it. I'm going to really work hard this semester, like every other semester. I also found out my clinical assignment would be at St Josephs in Atlanta. I am SO not happy about that, but there's nothing I can do. I also hit the big 30 this month. I feel so different. Even slightly depressed! I'm OLD! One of my friends also lost her husband on the same day her daughter died 3 years ago. That was so rough. But my prayers are definitely with her.
January 2008 - Well, all I can say is that I hope it's a great year. I'll almost be done with nursing. This has been such a long and hard journey, but one I would go through again to get my masters degree. I will also be going for a follow up appointment with my new endocrinologist. I think he's wonderful and has some great plans for my diabetes. YAY!
Monday, December 31, 2007
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
My new endocrinologist!
I'm so glad I set up this appointment with this doctor. He's one of the best in Atlanta. Now I see why. He's amazing. He's very friendly, knowledgeable, and thorough. I'm excited!
He wants to put me on insulin again (I was on it a few years ago). I told him I welcome the great control it will bring, but I didn't like being on it last time. He seems to think that they didn't better incorporate it into my daily life (which is very busy and hectic) and needs to be better fine tuned. With my blood sugars in the 200-300's all the time he thinks we'll be able to get it down between 70-120 all the time. That will make me feel so much better. I won't be as exhausted all the time and can better follow a stricter exercise regimen, which in turn will benefit me more.
He also said that there doesn't appear to be any damage to my eyes from the diabetes. That's great, I don't want to go blind!! He also doesn't believe I have significant nerve damage from it either. Whew! He likes that I am seeing him now BEFORE I run into bad complications so that we can prevent them.
He did blood and urine tests, which we will get the results on in a few days. He also did an EKG to check my heart. At the top of the print out it said I had a normal sinus rhythm with C3 and C4 abnormalities that could be caused by left ventricular hypertrophy possibly indicative of an anterior infarction. That's a freaken heart attack! I hope the thing is wrong. That would be scary if at one time I had a minor heart attack and didn't know it. I'm not going to get concerned though until he calls and said he read my EKG and it was abnormal.
Anyways, I'm going back to him in a few weeks and I'm also going to take diabetes information and nutritional classes. That's so nice. I've been diabetic for 6-7 years and my previous doctor NEVER did all of this. I feel like he'll really help me take care of myself and to have all my bases covered. I can deal with insulin, especially if it helps me feel better and become "normal" (as normal as I can be LOL)
YAY!!!!!!!
He wants to put me on insulin again (I was on it a few years ago). I told him I welcome the great control it will bring, but I didn't like being on it last time. He seems to think that they didn't better incorporate it into my daily life (which is very busy and hectic) and needs to be better fine tuned. With my blood sugars in the 200-300's all the time he thinks we'll be able to get it down between 70-120 all the time. That will make me feel so much better. I won't be as exhausted all the time and can better follow a stricter exercise regimen, which in turn will benefit me more.
He also said that there doesn't appear to be any damage to my eyes from the diabetes. That's great, I don't want to go blind!! He also doesn't believe I have significant nerve damage from it either. Whew! He likes that I am seeing him now BEFORE I run into bad complications so that we can prevent them.
He did blood and urine tests, which we will get the results on in a few days. He also did an EKG to check my heart. At the top of the print out it said I had a normal sinus rhythm with C3 and C4 abnormalities that could be caused by left ventricular hypertrophy possibly indicative of an anterior infarction. That's a freaken heart attack! I hope the thing is wrong. That would be scary if at one time I had a minor heart attack and didn't know it. I'm not going to get concerned though until he calls and said he read my EKG and it was abnormal.
Anyways, I'm going back to him in a few weeks and I'm also going to take diabetes information and nutritional classes. That's so nice. I've been diabetic for 6-7 years and my previous doctor NEVER did all of this. I feel like he'll really help me take care of myself and to have all my bases covered. I can deal with insulin, especially if it helps me feel better and become "normal" (as normal as I can be LOL)
YAY!!!!!!!
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Holiday Desert Recipe
I got this from a diabetes website I checked out. It sounded real good and I decided to make it as a treat for the Thanksgiving get together last week. It got awesome reviews and it was so fun to make with the boys. I highly recommend it to anyone! It's like an apple shortbread.
Caramel Apple Cookie Bites
Ingredients:
Filling: 1/3 cup chopped unpeeled apple 1/3 cup evaporated milk 1/3 cup sugar 1/3 cup chopped walnuts
Dough: 1/2 cup butter or margarine, softened 1/4 cup confectioners' sugar 1/4 cup packed brown sugar 1 egg 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1/4 teaspoon salt 2 cups all-purpose flour
Topping: 1 package (14 ounces) caramels 2/3 cup evaporated milk Green toothpicks 1 cup chopped walnuts
Instructions:
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
2. Mix together apple, milk, sugar, and walnuts in a pot. Cook over medium heat until thick. Let rest.
3. Using electric beaters, mix together butter, confectioners' sugar, and brown sugar. Beat in egg, vanilla, and salt. Slowly add flour in and mix until fully combined.
4. Form mixture into 1-inch spheres. Compress dough with the palm of your hand. Spoon 1/4 teaspoon of apple mixture onto the center of each piece of dough. Fold dough in half and form into balls.
5. Move balls to a greased pan and bake 12 to 15 minutes, dough should be golden. Let cool on wire racks.
6. Pour caramels and milk in a pot and heat over low heat until liquefied. Poke a toothpick into each ball and coat each with caramel mixture. Roll in nuts and let cool. Dip some in chocolate too. Or use bananas as the filling.
Nutritional Information:
Per Serving— Calories: 292 Carbohydrates: 39g Protein: 6g Total Fat: 13g Saturated Fat: 6g Cholesterol: 31mg Fiber: 1g Sodium: 157mg
Caramel Apple Cookie Bites
Ingredients:
Filling: 1/3 cup chopped unpeeled apple 1/3 cup evaporated milk 1/3 cup sugar 1/3 cup chopped walnuts
Dough: 1/2 cup butter or margarine, softened 1/4 cup confectioners' sugar 1/4 cup packed brown sugar 1 egg 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1/4 teaspoon salt 2 cups all-purpose flour
Topping: 1 package (14 ounces) caramels 2/3 cup evaporated milk Green toothpicks 1 cup chopped walnuts
Instructions:
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
2. Mix together apple, milk, sugar, and walnuts in a pot. Cook over medium heat until thick. Let rest.
3. Using electric beaters, mix together butter, confectioners' sugar, and brown sugar. Beat in egg, vanilla, and salt. Slowly add flour in and mix until fully combined.
4. Form mixture into 1-inch spheres. Compress dough with the palm of your hand. Spoon 1/4 teaspoon of apple mixture onto the center of each piece of dough. Fold dough in half and form into balls.
5. Move balls to a greased pan and bake 12 to 15 minutes, dough should be golden. Let cool on wire racks.
6. Pour caramels and milk in a pot and heat over low heat until liquefied. Poke a toothpick into each ball and coat each with caramel mixture. Roll in nuts and let cool. Dip some in chocolate too. Or use bananas as the filling.
Nutritional Information:
Per Serving— Calories: 292 Carbohydrates: 39g Protein: 6g Total Fat: 13g Saturated Fat: 6g Cholesterol: 31mg Fiber: 1g Sodium: 157mg
Friday, November 16, 2007
Diabetes Damnit Mellitus
So I finally got an appointment with an Endocrinologist! His name is Dr Jacobson and I hear he's amazing. It's time to sever ties with my internal medicine dr. They have just been so laid back about my diabetes. How am I supposed to take it seriously and hard core if they don't? Maybe not cut them off altogether. They've taken care of me for 6 years. But I need someone to attack this freaken disease.
I've been fighting with Blue Cross Blue Shield of Georgia for about a month about getting refill strips for my Ascensia Contour Glucose Meter. They won. They won't pay for it because they don't have a contract with Bayer or something. I have to stick with Accu Chek. Good news is Accu Chek sent me a brand new meter, the Aviva. It's much better than the Active that I've been using.
I tried it out after clinicals on Thursday. I figured I'd be kinda low. I ate at 4 am, 12 pm, and here it was 5 pm. My bs was like 96. Very very good. I was happy. I had supper and checked my post-meal bs, which should be around 100-120ish and it was almost 400!! I was so upset. They say that with blood sugars that high you shouldn't really exercise to burn off the extra blood sugar because your system is already stressed to the extreme. But they said if you don't have insulin around, you should just drink alot of water to flush it out. So I laid down, took it easy, and had alot of water. I've got several vials of insulin in the refrigerator but they're expired. Damn.
I've been pretty elevated since then. I guess my blood sugars run really high now. And I found out what I thought was a good a1c (7.2) is actually not good at all. Alot of insulin dependent diabetics find themselves around 5 or 6. I'm upset, but it's time to attack this shit. This endo has a reputation of being pretty tough. Good. I need that. I really see him putting me back on insulin. I hate insulin, but especially with the new pumps out there it sounds like it'll be just what I need. I just want to feel better. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of feeling like I just got ran over by a semi. I want the good blood sugars, I want my kidneys to always work good, and I want to live forever. I don't want to die. I want to be there for my kids and husband forever.
I'm serious about this and I pray to God he helps me through this strong as hell!
I'm going for one hell of a walk...
I've been fighting with Blue Cross Blue Shield of Georgia for about a month about getting refill strips for my Ascensia Contour Glucose Meter. They won. They won't pay for it because they don't have a contract with Bayer or something. I have to stick with Accu Chek. Good news is Accu Chek sent me a brand new meter, the Aviva. It's much better than the Active that I've been using.
I tried it out after clinicals on Thursday. I figured I'd be kinda low. I ate at 4 am, 12 pm, and here it was 5 pm. My bs was like 96. Very very good. I was happy. I had supper and checked my post-meal bs, which should be around 100-120ish and it was almost 400!! I was so upset. They say that with blood sugars that high you shouldn't really exercise to burn off the extra blood sugar because your system is already stressed to the extreme. But they said if you don't have insulin around, you should just drink alot of water to flush it out. So I laid down, took it easy, and had alot of water. I've got several vials of insulin in the refrigerator but they're expired. Damn.
I've been pretty elevated since then. I guess my blood sugars run really high now. And I found out what I thought was a good a1c (7.2) is actually not good at all. Alot of insulin dependent diabetics find themselves around 5 or 6. I'm upset, but it's time to attack this shit. This endo has a reputation of being pretty tough. Good. I need that. I really see him putting me back on insulin. I hate insulin, but especially with the new pumps out there it sounds like it'll be just what I need. I just want to feel better. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of feeling like I just got ran over by a semi. I want the good blood sugars, I want my kidneys to always work good, and I want to live forever. I don't want to die. I want to be there for my kids and husband forever.
I'm serious about this and I pray to God he helps me through this strong as hell!
I'm going for one hell of a walk...
Monday, November 12, 2007
Baby Crave!
Ok, I'm about out of my mind. I SO can't wait to have another baby! I laid down last night to relax and ended up falling asleep. My stomach was hurting and it's like I still felt it in my sleep and incorporated it into my dream. I dreamt that I was laying in bed and my stomach hurt. I reached down to rub it and it was hard and round, like I was 5 months pregnant or something. Then it's like I walked in to the bathroom that's next to our bed to take a pregnancy test and it was positive right away. But I was shocked & scared.
Our plan is to have a baby AFTER I graduate. As bad as I want another baby I'm so scared. I don't know if things are too bad with my diabetes. I had alot of serious complications with my last pregnancy and Colin & I were lucky to come out ok. I know if I get pregnant again I'm likely to repeat those complications.
But this is my plan:
1) Start now with an endocrinologist who will help me take real strict care of the diabetes and get settled on a steady medication and food plan.
2) Get started on a healthy exercise routine. Right now I'm just doing alot of walking, but maybe add more to it. I'd like to get back into dancing.
3) If I need to be back on insulin, so be it. But before I get pregnant I'm going on a pump! I used to inject SO much insulin SO often that I was begging the dr to put me on a pump. That way if I needed more insulin, all I had to do was push a button. Also more convenient being away from home alot. But the dr I had at the time wasn't real familiar with pumps.So I'm hoping that I can get my a1c down (it's at 7.1 now-not cool) and start on a strict medication schedule. In a year I should be in prime shape for a baby! And pray it's a girl.
I've received word from a few people that my doctor will probably discourage me from getting pregnant (and a few said they wouldn't), but I'm motivated to make this work. I just need some words on encouragement!
Our plan is to have a baby AFTER I graduate. As bad as I want another baby I'm so scared. I don't know if things are too bad with my diabetes. I had alot of serious complications with my last pregnancy and Colin & I were lucky to come out ok. I know if I get pregnant again I'm likely to repeat those complications.
But this is my plan:
1) Start now with an endocrinologist who will help me take real strict care of the diabetes and get settled on a steady medication and food plan.
2) Get started on a healthy exercise routine. Right now I'm just doing alot of walking, but maybe add more to it. I'd like to get back into dancing.
3) If I need to be back on insulin, so be it. But before I get pregnant I'm going on a pump! I used to inject SO much insulin SO often that I was begging the dr to put me on a pump. That way if I needed more insulin, all I had to do was push a button. Also more convenient being away from home alot. But the dr I had at the time wasn't real familiar with pumps.So I'm hoping that I can get my a1c down (it's at 7.1 now-not cool) and start on a strict medication schedule. In a year I should be in prime shape for a baby! And pray it's a girl.
I've received word from a few people that my doctor will probably discourage me from getting pregnant (and a few said they wouldn't), but I'm motivated to make this work. I just need some words on encouragement!
Baby Crave!
Ok, I'm about out of my mind. I SO can't wait to have another baby! I laid down last night to relax and ended up falling asleep. My stomach was hurting and it's like I still felt it in my sleep and incorporated it into my dream. I dreamt that I was laying in bed and my stomach hurt. I reached down to rub it and it was hard and round, like I was 5 months pregnant or something. Then it's like I walked in to the bathroom that's next to our bed to take a pregnancy test and it was positive right away. But I was shocked & scared. Our plan is to have a baby AFTER I graduate.
As bad as I want another baby I'm so scared. I don't know if things are too bad with my diabetes. I had alot of serious complications with my last pregnancy and Colin & I were lucky to come out ok. I know if I get pregnant again I'm likely to repeat those complications.
But this is my plan:
1) Start now with an endocrinologist who will help me take real strict care of the diabetes and get settled on a steady medication and food plan.
2) Get started on a healthy exercise routine. Right now I'm just doing alot of walking, but maybe add more to it. I'd like to get back into dancing.
3) If I need to be back on insulin, so be it. But before I get pregnant I'm going on a pump! I used to inject SO much insulin SO often that I was begging the dr to put me on a pump. That way if I needed more insulin, all I had to do was push a button. Also more convenient being away from home alot. But the dr I had at the time wasn't real familiar with pumps.
So I'm hoping that I can get my a1c down (it's at 7.1 now-not cool) and start on a strict medication schedule. In a year I should be in prime shape for a baby! And pray it's a girl. I've received word from a few people that my doctor will probably discourage me from getting pregnant (and a few said they wouldn't), but I'm motivated to make this work.
As bad as I want another baby I'm so scared. I don't know if things are too bad with my diabetes. I had alot of serious complications with my last pregnancy and Colin & I were lucky to come out ok. I know if I get pregnant again I'm likely to repeat those complications.
But this is my plan:
1) Start now with an endocrinologist who will help me take real strict care of the diabetes and get settled on a steady medication and food plan.
2) Get started on a healthy exercise routine. Right now I'm just doing alot of walking, but maybe add more to it. I'd like to get back into dancing.
3) If I need to be back on insulin, so be it. But before I get pregnant I'm going on a pump! I used to inject SO much insulin SO often that I was begging the dr to put me on a pump. That way if I needed more insulin, all I had to do was push a button. Also more convenient being away from home alot. But the dr I had at the time wasn't real familiar with pumps.
So I'm hoping that I can get my a1c down (it's at 7.1 now-not cool) and start on a strict medication schedule. In a year I should be in prime shape for a baby! And pray it's a girl. I've received word from a few people that my doctor will probably discourage me from getting pregnant (and a few said they wouldn't), but I'm motivated to make this work.
Friday, November 2, 2007
MRSA Oh my!
For most people MRSA sounds like something out of a horror movie that recently invaded our society. For people who work in health care it's old news. Of course, I'm new to everything and I'm so becoming germaphobic!
My patient this week: 42 year old diabetic with end stage renal disease and a massive MRSA infection on contact isolation.
I was real paranoid at first but I had a suspicion I'd get a patient on contact isolation. I just knew it. Just ask Melissa, she'll tell you. I talked her head off about it the whole way to DeKalb LOL
Anyways, I need to shape up alot when it comes to my diabetes. I'm never exposed to anyone who has it so I don't really have a role model to learn from. And my doctors aren't too strict on me. I've really got to find an endocrinologist. I hear they'll kick my ass for my blood sugars. So I'm thinking that seeing this young patient in end stage renal failure will be an eye opening experience.
My first impression of her was ok. She just received a heafty dose of pain medicine a few hours earlier so she was practically comatose. She didn't have an easy morning. She was throwing up everything she ate. She also has a MRSA infection in one of her eyes. So she requires eye drops EVERY hour. And she has 4 of them, not to mention 2 insulins and about 10 oral meds. And it's up to ME to keep track of them and juggle their administration between AM care, vitals, blood sugar monitoring, and 30 pages of paper work. Not to mention having to complete a drug sheet for each med. On 2 hours of sleep.
But something really kicks in when I wear my uniform and assume the role of a "nurse". It's almost motherly. It's weird. I just feel this intense nurturing feeling. Protective even. Almost whatever I see becomes a non-issue to me. My patient was puking in a basin and it didn't matter to me. She has MRSA and it didn't prevent me from caring for her. I jumped right in.
Today she was much better. The doctor is just keeping her on Morphine for severe pain and she tolerates that better. She talked with me more, we even traded "diabetic stories" LOL What scares me though is she has severe kidney problems and receives dialysis 3 days a week and her diabetes is better controlled than mine! That really scares me. What kind of damage is occuring to my body even as I type this blog?! I'll get to my issues with the insurance company in a little bit.
The nurses I deal with have been excellent. They compliment me so much and believe me, they can be some bitter bitter people. So I really feel honored. I reported to the pts nurse at one point today and she's like "I love a nurse that's on her toes" LOL Then later on the pt asked the nurse and I how much nurses make. I was like "Well, I'm not a good one to ask because I don't make anything" LOL
Like my other patients, I really enjoyed taking care of her. She was a really great lady. She's been hospitalized for several weeks now and I told her to get better and when I come back in 2 weeks she "better not be here when I get back!" She really laughed about that. She wants out of there so bad. Just wants to get back to life again. That MRSA that you hear about is some ugly stuff. It's treatable, but it's still ugly. She got it in her eye and lost vision in that eye. And now she can't hear on that side either. Bad stuff.
Ok, the insurance company. I was using Accu-Chek but wasn't too happy with it. Bayer sent me a free Ascensia Contour and some strips. I love it! So I called my drs office to call in a prescription for more. These things are 50 for $49. Expensive, especially when the dr wants you to test 4 times a day. With insurance I can get 100 for $30. Good deal. Anyways, the dr calls in the prescription and I get to Kmart and they won't give them to me. Blue Cross had an underuse precaution on me. Apparently I don't test my blood sugar enough. Ugh. Ok don't complain that I don't test enough and then not let me get my strips.
So I go home, call the drs office, and tell the nurse what Kmart and Blue Cross is saying. She thinks it's insane. The next day the nurse calls me. Blue Cross faxed them a form about "will I use more than 100 a month?", "have I used this brand in the last 30 days", etc etc. Turns out BCBS has a contract with Accu Chek (Roche) and they really push Roche products. They don't have a contract with Bayer. It's not a "prefered brand". How much BS is that?! Just let me freaken treat my freaken diabetes before I end up in kidney failure and you have to pay much more for my freaken dialysis! Ass wipes.
Anyways, 3 days go by and I FINALLY get a call from the drs office. BCBS doesn't mind if I get that brand of strips. ARRRRRRRRRRRGH!
My patient this week: 42 year old diabetic with end stage renal disease and a massive MRSA infection on contact isolation.
I was real paranoid at first but I had a suspicion I'd get a patient on contact isolation. I just knew it. Just ask Melissa, she'll tell you. I talked her head off about it the whole way to DeKalb LOL
Anyways, I need to shape up alot when it comes to my diabetes. I'm never exposed to anyone who has it so I don't really have a role model to learn from. And my doctors aren't too strict on me. I've really got to find an endocrinologist. I hear they'll kick my ass for my blood sugars. So I'm thinking that seeing this young patient in end stage renal failure will be an eye opening experience.
My first impression of her was ok. She just received a heafty dose of pain medicine a few hours earlier so she was practically comatose. She didn't have an easy morning. She was throwing up everything she ate. She also has a MRSA infection in one of her eyes. So she requires eye drops EVERY hour. And she has 4 of them, not to mention 2 insulins and about 10 oral meds. And it's up to ME to keep track of them and juggle their administration between AM care, vitals, blood sugar monitoring, and 30 pages of paper work. Not to mention having to complete a drug sheet for each med. On 2 hours of sleep.
But something really kicks in when I wear my uniform and assume the role of a "nurse". It's almost motherly. It's weird. I just feel this intense nurturing feeling. Protective even. Almost whatever I see becomes a non-issue to me. My patient was puking in a basin and it didn't matter to me. She has MRSA and it didn't prevent me from caring for her. I jumped right in.
Today she was much better. The doctor is just keeping her on Morphine for severe pain and she tolerates that better. She talked with me more, we even traded "diabetic stories" LOL What scares me though is she has severe kidney problems and receives dialysis 3 days a week and her diabetes is better controlled than mine! That really scares me. What kind of damage is occuring to my body even as I type this blog?! I'll get to my issues with the insurance company in a little bit.
The nurses I deal with have been excellent. They compliment me so much and believe me, they can be some bitter bitter people. So I really feel honored. I reported to the pts nurse at one point today and she's like "I love a nurse that's on her toes" LOL Then later on the pt asked the nurse and I how much nurses make. I was like "Well, I'm not a good one to ask because I don't make anything" LOL
Like my other patients, I really enjoyed taking care of her. She was a really great lady. She's been hospitalized for several weeks now and I told her to get better and when I come back in 2 weeks she "better not be here when I get back!" She really laughed about that. She wants out of there so bad. Just wants to get back to life again. That MRSA that you hear about is some ugly stuff. It's treatable, but it's still ugly. She got it in her eye and lost vision in that eye. And now she can't hear on that side either. Bad stuff.
Ok, the insurance company. I was using Accu-Chek but wasn't too happy with it. Bayer sent me a free Ascensia Contour and some strips. I love it! So I called my drs office to call in a prescription for more. These things are 50 for $49. Expensive, especially when the dr wants you to test 4 times a day. With insurance I can get 100 for $30. Good deal. Anyways, the dr calls in the prescription and I get to Kmart and they won't give them to me. Blue Cross had an underuse precaution on me. Apparently I don't test my blood sugar enough. Ugh. Ok don't complain that I don't test enough and then not let me get my strips.
So I go home, call the drs office, and tell the nurse what Kmart and Blue Cross is saying. She thinks it's insane. The next day the nurse calls me. Blue Cross faxed them a form about "will I use more than 100 a month?", "have I used this brand in the last 30 days", etc etc. Turns out BCBS has a contract with Accu Chek (Roche) and they really push Roche products. They don't have a contract with Bayer. It's not a "prefered brand". How much BS is that?! Just let me freaken treat my freaken diabetes before I end up in kidney failure and you have to pay much more for my freaken dialysis! Ass wipes.
Anyways, 3 days go by and I FINALLY get a call from the drs office. BCBS doesn't mind if I get that brand of strips. ARRRRRRRRRRRGH!
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Almost done!
Let's see here... hmmm...
Oh yeah. I'm almost done with nursing this semester! Yay! Today I passed my IV checkoff. The only thing I messed up on was forgetting to close the clamp before I spiked the bag. But I realized I did it before it was too late and verbalized it. So she didn't count that against me. My infusion to give was 1000 ml of D5 1/2NS to be given at 140 ml/hr. My drop factor was 15 so that came out to be an even 35 gtt/min (I like NEVER end up with an even number). When she came over to count it she came out with 36 gtt/min, which is awesome because we had a +/- 4 gtts/min. YAY!
The only checkoff left is Foley Catheters! That'll be a toughie I'm sure. Maybe not. I just can't find any volunteers to let me practice with. Hmm... any volunteers? It's real simple, really. I'll just shove a tube into your bladder and then take it out.
I've passed all my exams and I only have 2 more left (I think) plus the final. I feel pretty good about it, but I don't want to get overconfident. I tend to overstress about things but that keeps me from getting lazy. Sometimes the overstressing is bad though, when I'm overstressing about too much at once it proves detrimental to my health LOL
Oh yeah, speaking of which, I got to talk to my dr about my stinkin blood pressure. I'm on Atenolol and my bp has been spiking alot lately. I'm so terrified of having a stroke or heart attack. My grandmother died of a stroke within a month of finding out she was a diabetic. I was so traumatized. So now here I am a diabetic for what? 6 years? My A1C's are decent (around 7) but my dailies are not. Plus the HBP doesn't help. And I could definitely stand to lose a few. And my dad had like a quadruple bypass earlier this year. Anything he gets physically, I tend to as well. He's diabetic with HPB with the same liver crap that I have. WAAAH! Ok Amy... chill tha hell out. Yer fine!
Ok everyone! I'm off to the land of sedation heaven! Muchos lovos and stuff.
Oh yeah. I'm almost done with nursing this semester! Yay! Today I passed my IV checkoff. The only thing I messed up on was forgetting to close the clamp before I spiked the bag. But I realized I did it before it was too late and verbalized it. So she didn't count that against me. My infusion to give was 1000 ml of D5 1/2NS to be given at 140 ml/hr. My drop factor was 15 so that came out to be an even 35 gtt/min (I like NEVER end up with an even number). When she came over to count it she came out with 36 gtt/min, which is awesome because we had a +/- 4 gtts/min. YAY!
The only checkoff left is Foley Catheters! That'll be a toughie I'm sure. Maybe not. I just can't find any volunteers to let me practice with. Hmm... any volunteers? It's real simple, really. I'll just shove a tube into your bladder and then take it out.
I've passed all my exams and I only have 2 more left (I think) plus the final. I feel pretty good about it, but I don't want to get overconfident. I tend to overstress about things but that keeps me from getting lazy. Sometimes the overstressing is bad though, when I'm overstressing about too much at once it proves detrimental to my health LOL
Oh yeah, speaking of which, I got to talk to my dr about my stinkin blood pressure. I'm on Atenolol and my bp has been spiking alot lately. I'm so terrified of having a stroke or heart attack. My grandmother died of a stroke within a month of finding out she was a diabetic. I was so traumatized. So now here I am a diabetic for what? 6 years? My A1C's are decent (around 7) but my dailies are not. Plus the HBP doesn't help. And I could definitely stand to lose a few. And my dad had like a quadruple bypass earlier this year. Anything he gets physically, I tend to as well. He's diabetic with HPB with the same liver crap that I have. WAAAH! Ok Amy... chill tha hell out. Yer fine!
Ok everyone! I'm off to the land of sedation heaven! Muchos lovos and stuff.
Friday, October 19, 2007
Clinical Update
Well I'm officially half way through clinicals! Hell freaken yeah!
I went to the hospital Wednesday and picked up my patient assignment. Ok. She's on literally about 40 drugs. For each of those drugs I have to go home and research them and compile the data on a med sheet. So I'm thinking "Shit. And I have to be up at 4:00 am? I should just practice for MD residency now while I'm ahead. No sleep for at least 3 weeks eh?" Not to mention the pre-clinical paperwork I have to complete, including research on her condition and medical tests.
Bright and early Thursday morning... like 6:00 am. I check my patients chart to see how she did overnight. SHE GOT DISCHARGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Son of a...
I have a new patient. I spend the next hour researching HIS condition and meds. Ok, it's pneumonia no biggie. I've learned alot about pneumonia. God blessed me cause this dude was awesome. He took care of himself, was very independent, and had to have a million diagnostic tests done. Thursday I accompanied him for a Persantine-Thallium Stress Test. Took 4 hours, but it allowed me to complete 10 pages of paperwork on him.
So last night my sleep deprived bootie goes home and researches all of HIS meds. I go to bed around 11:00 pm. BACK UP at 4:00 am I feel like I'm catching a cold. It's pitch black outside. And raining. And Atlanta peeps don't do rain. I'm heading up 285 and it's not even 6:00 am and I'm TIRED! And night blind. And sleep deprived. Ok.
I get there and my patient is going to the Cardiac Cath Lab. How cool? I go with him and watch his test and the guy ahead of him. That was the coolest thing watching the doctor shove a wire in his groin area up to his heart. And I got to watch the tube go into his heart and shoot dye into it and watch it pump away.
Next I figure, I'll go ahead and get my 17 page, once a semester detailed evaluation done with him. He's a very pleasant patient. An hour before quitting time I go in his room and he's starving, but still flat on his back from the cath. It's time to allow him to sit up but first we have to get a blood glucose on him. The techs stole all the freaken Accu-Cheks! So the nurse and I have to go hunt down an Accu-Chek before this dude grabs ahold of his food and starts chowing down.
Finally we get it done and he just wants to be alone with his food. I give him his privacy and get a head start on my other 10 pages of paperwork I have to do. With half an hour to go before post-conference I go back to his room. They FREAKEN TOOK HIM DOWN FOR A PULMONARY TEST! Fuggin A man.
So what's my impression of clinicals this week?
!!!AWESOME AS HELL!!!
!!!GIMME MORE I LOVE IT!!!
!!!!!!!AHHHHH HAAAA!!!!!!!
Friday, October 12, 2007
Almost Done!
Let's see here... hmmm...
Oh yeah. I'm almost done with nursing this semester! Yay! Today I passed my IV checkoff. The only thing I messed up on was forgetting to close the clamp before I spiked the bag. But I realized I did it before it was too late and verbalized it. So she didn't count that against me. My infusion to give was 1000 ml of D5 1/2NS to be given at 140 ml/hr. My drop factor was 15 so that came out to be an even 35 gtt/min (I like NEVER end up with an even number). When she came over to count it she came out with 36 gtt/min, which is awesome because we had a +/- 4 gtts/min. YAY!
The only checkoff left is Foley Catheters! That'll be a toughie I'm sure. Maybe not. I just can't find any volunteers to let me practice with. Hmm... any volunteers? It's real simple, really. I'll just shove a tube into your bladder and then take it out.
I've passed all my exams and I only have 2 more left (I think) plus the final. I feel pretty good about it, but I don't want to get overconfident. I tend to overstress about things but that keeps me from getting lazy. Sometimes the overstressing is bad though, when I'm overstressing about too much at once it proves detrimental to my health LOL
Oh yeah, speaking of which, I got to talk to my dr about my stinkin blood pressure. I'm on Atenolol and my bp has been spiking alot lately. I'm so terrified of having a stroke or heart attack. My grandmother died of a stroke within a month of finding out she was a diabetic. I was so traumatized. So now here I am a diabetic for what? 6 years? My A1C's are decent (around 7) but my dailies are not. Plus the HBP doesn't help. And I could definitely stand to lose a few. And my dad had like a quadruple bypass earlier this year. Anything he gets physically, I tend to as well. He's diabetic with HPB with the same liver crap that I have. WAAAH! Ok Amy... chill tha hell out. Yer fine!
Ok everyone! I'm off to the land of sedation heaven! Muchos lovos and stuff.
Thursday, October 4, 2007
My First Patient
Ok, I'm working on the Cardiac Telemetry Unit. My patient on Friday will definitely leave an impression on me for the rest of my life, probably.
She's an 81 year old woman admitted for pneumonia sepsis. She isn't quite with it and is unable to talk. Her skin is paper thin and she develops blisters and bedsores very easily and non-stop it seems.
I did all sorts of stuff with her on Friday and even got to give her a sponge bath. I Got her some clean, fresh bedsheets and gown. She has a special lotion that needs to go on her skin and I put that on after her bath. Then I gave her a real gentle back rub. The tech that was keeping her on her side said that she really enjoyed it. I was like "Really? You think?" and she was like "Yes! Don't you hear her?" She was letting out these really soft moans like it felt good! Oh I felt good cause I knew she's been in so much pain.
A few times Respiratory Therapy had to come in and give her breathing treatments and suction her out. That was hard to watch. She had tons of stuff in her. And I knew it was painful for her. But the lady from Respiratory Therapy was absolutely fantastic. She really talked to her throughout the whole thing.
She had this little stuffed dog next to her bed and I asked her son about it. He said she used to have a dog at home, but he died. So this was her dog. After my shift was up I went to her room, got her comfortable, and tucked her in. I got down next to her and called out her name. She opened her eyes and looked at me. I spent probably 5 minutes smiling at her and talking to her about her day. I told her she had a bath, a new gown and sheets, a backrub... I told her she was treated like a queen! I told her about all her visitors, including her granddaughter from Michigan. Then I showed her her dog and she looked at it and I told her he was going to lay in her lap. Then I told her that she was a very sweet lady. She just looked in my eyes like she was really listening to me and enjoying me talking to her. This was probably the first time someone really paid this much attention to her in awhile. At one point it even looked like the corner of her mouth turned up like she wanted to smile. At least I hope she did. I couldn't believe how much she was paying attention to me. The previous few days she was getting more and more unresponsive.
I don't know what's going to happen to her for sure. She probably won't be there next time I come in. I know her family was trying to decide whether or not to send her to hospice. But regardless, even if she has a few days left, I hope I really touched her and gave her a few minutes of peace and relief. I wish I knew her before she got this sick.
It was definitely a spiritual experience. I felt that we looked into each other's souls just about. It was intense. I definitely found my calling. I've always known I wanted to be a nurse but I never realized how badly. I am definitely not an office person dealing with a bunch of ungrateful assholes that stab you in the back and treat you like shit. I know I'll have patients that are that way but knowing that I'm there to help them might make it easier.
Happy to report week 1 of clinicals was more than successful!
She's an 81 year old woman admitted for pneumonia sepsis. She isn't quite with it and is unable to talk. Her skin is paper thin and she develops blisters and bedsores very easily and non-stop it seems.
I did all sorts of stuff with her on Friday and even got to give her a sponge bath. I Got her some clean, fresh bedsheets and gown. She has a special lotion that needs to go on her skin and I put that on after her bath. Then I gave her a real gentle back rub. The tech that was keeping her on her side said that she really enjoyed it. I was like "Really? You think?" and she was like "Yes! Don't you hear her?" She was letting out these really soft moans like it felt good! Oh I felt good cause I knew she's been in so much pain.
A few times Respiratory Therapy had to come in and give her breathing treatments and suction her out. That was hard to watch. She had tons of stuff in her. And I knew it was painful for her. But the lady from Respiratory Therapy was absolutely fantastic. She really talked to her throughout the whole thing.
She had this little stuffed dog next to her bed and I asked her son about it. He said she used to have a dog at home, but he died. So this was her dog. After my shift was up I went to her room, got her comfortable, and tucked her in. I got down next to her and called out her name. She opened her eyes and looked at me. I spent probably 5 minutes smiling at her and talking to her about her day. I told her she had a bath, a new gown and sheets, a backrub... I told her she was treated like a queen! I told her about all her visitors, including her granddaughter from Michigan. Then I showed her her dog and she looked at it and I told her he was going to lay in her lap. Then I told her that she was a very sweet lady. She just looked in my eyes like she was really listening to me and enjoying me talking to her. This was probably the first time someone really paid this much attention to her in awhile. At one point it even looked like the corner of her mouth turned up like she wanted to smile. At least I hope she did. I couldn't believe how much she was paying attention to me. The previous few days she was getting more and more unresponsive.
I don't know what's going to happen to her for sure. She probably won't be there next time I come in. I know her family was trying to decide whether or not to send her to hospice. But regardless, even if she has a few days left, I hope I really touched her and gave her a few minutes of peace and relief. I wish I knew her before she got this sick.
It was definitely a spiritual experience. I felt that we looked into each other's souls just about. It was intense. I definitely found my calling. I've always known I wanted to be a nurse but I never realized how badly. I am definitely not an office person dealing with a bunch of ungrateful assholes that stab you in the back and treat you like shit. I know I'll have patients that are that way but knowing that I'm there to help them might make it easier.
Happy to report week 1 of clinicals was more than successful!
Saturday, September 29, 2007
School Update
Well this has been quite the eventful week. Guess what? I survived front loading!!! WOOHOO! It all gets easier from here. My next two check offs? Oral meds and Subcutaneous Injections. I'm excited about subq's because I give myself 2 of them every day!!!
Monday: I went for my vital signs check off and passed it perfectly. All of my findings were well within the narrow range that they allow us (2-4 pts) and the lady doing my check off, Ms. Orlean, is beyond awesome. She's a midwife and I really look up to her. She's quiet but she's got a fantastic personality. I think she's my favorite out of all of them. I feel so at ease with her. During my check off I was a little nervous, but I had a thrill for a second. I felt like a nurse and it felt so natural. I hope I get that feeling more often. When I checked my email later that night I had an email from the coordinator about our clinical group. Our instructor never showed up and quit. So we didn't have a clinical instructor. But Mrs. Read was taking volunteers to do clinicals at Rockdale (the hospital 5 miles from my home and RIGHT next door to my sons daycare). I didn't sleep that night. I was so excited.
Tuesday: I spoke with Mrs. Read and she said she just had a few details to get settled but most likely I'll be at Rockdale. I'm really cautious and try not to think about it but for once I'm happy to be at school. After class I have a mandatory meeting with my Nursing Advisor. She reviews all my stuff (test grades, teacher notes, etc) and says that she's rather impressed. I'm glad she feels that way but I feel like I'm losing my everlasting mind! She explained that Nursing School is unlike any school you have ever experienced and it's VERY demanding and VERY stressful. There's alot riding on your success and they are very difficult on us (Remember! Didn't I tell you it's like bootcamp?!) But she said everything I'm feeling is very normal and actually I'm coping really well with school and it's demands. The only thing I need to work on is stress control. Stress has bad effects on my diabetes, HBP, and ulcer. She wants to see all that get under control. She's a fantastic woman and I'm glad she's my advisor.
Wednesday: I receive word that Rockdale isn't accepting anymore students. BIG let down. I'm back at DeKalb with an instructor from Lawrenceville. See? This has happened so much in school that I KNEW not to get my hopes up. I'm disappointed, but not suprised. Glad I didn't get too excited.
Thursday: I receive emails from my new clinical instructor. She has a reputation as being really cool and funny. That gives me alot of relief. She starts giving us the info everyone else has known about their group this whole time but our group was in the dark on. I'm scared of the unknown and not knowing ANYTHING has made the upcoming clinical experience even scarier. Finally I'm receiving "info" on my fear. I also find out I'm in group 1, which starts next Thursday. I was kinda hoping for group 2 so I wouldn't start so soon. Two of the guys I'm good friends with went to group 2. That sucks. But I found out that one of the girls in my group lives real close to me and her and I will carpool. That'll help so much. I'm not too familiar with that part of Atlanta. The good thing about being in group 1 though is I can face my fear of clinical and find out sooner that it's ok. Nothing to be afraid of. Plus I get it done and over with. We're also done with clinicals 2 weeks sooner (before Thanksgiving).
Friday: I attend clinical orientation. I still haven't met Mrs. Buchholz, my clinical instructor, but I'll meet her on the first day. We didn't actually go to the hospital, we sat in the auditorium at school and received lots of cool info about DeKalb Medical. We're going to be in the Cardiac Telemetry Unit. That sounds like it'll be ALOT of fun (ie interesting).
This Weekend: I'm going out to buy the supplies that I need for clinical (clipboard, pocket notebook, poclet nurses guide, etc) I feel like a kid starting school for the first time and having the honor of buying supplies. I also have to study for another Exam on Tuesday morning. Once again, Nursing tests aren't over what you know, it's "can you pick the best trick answer". Real frustrating. But my last 2 exam grades are 76 & 80... I have to score at least a 75 on all my test to pass Nursing school. So far so good. (I found out that they threw out one of the questions, one I just happened to get wrong, so my grade went from a 78 to an 80.)
Lord thank you for blessing me with the opportunity to become a nurse and help me to remember that this is a BLESSING and to stop whining because it can all be taken away in the blink of an eye. Amen.
Monday: I went for my vital signs check off and passed it perfectly. All of my findings were well within the narrow range that they allow us (2-4 pts) and the lady doing my check off, Ms. Orlean, is beyond awesome. She's a midwife and I really look up to her. She's quiet but she's got a fantastic personality. I think she's my favorite out of all of them. I feel so at ease with her. During my check off I was a little nervous, but I had a thrill for a second. I felt like a nurse and it felt so natural. I hope I get that feeling more often. When I checked my email later that night I had an email from the coordinator about our clinical group. Our instructor never showed up and quit. So we didn't have a clinical instructor. But Mrs. Read was taking volunteers to do clinicals at Rockdale (the hospital 5 miles from my home and RIGHT next door to my sons daycare). I didn't sleep that night. I was so excited.
Tuesday: I spoke with Mrs. Read and she said she just had a few details to get settled but most likely I'll be at Rockdale. I'm really cautious and try not to think about it but for once I'm happy to be at school. After class I have a mandatory meeting with my Nursing Advisor. She reviews all my stuff (test grades, teacher notes, etc) and says that she's rather impressed. I'm glad she feels that way but I feel like I'm losing my everlasting mind! She explained that Nursing School is unlike any school you have ever experienced and it's VERY demanding and VERY stressful. There's alot riding on your success and they are very difficult on us (Remember! Didn't I tell you it's like bootcamp?!) But she said everything I'm feeling is very normal and actually I'm coping really well with school and it's demands. The only thing I need to work on is stress control. Stress has bad effects on my diabetes, HBP, and ulcer. She wants to see all that get under control. She's a fantastic woman and I'm glad she's my advisor.
Wednesday: I receive word that Rockdale isn't accepting anymore students. BIG let down. I'm back at DeKalb with an instructor from Lawrenceville. See? This has happened so much in school that I KNEW not to get my hopes up. I'm disappointed, but not suprised. Glad I didn't get too excited.
Thursday: I receive emails from my new clinical instructor. She has a reputation as being really cool and funny. That gives me alot of relief. She starts giving us the info everyone else has known about their group this whole time but our group was in the dark on. I'm scared of the unknown and not knowing ANYTHING has made the upcoming clinical experience even scarier. Finally I'm receiving "info" on my fear. I also find out I'm in group 1, which starts next Thursday. I was kinda hoping for group 2 so I wouldn't start so soon. Two of the guys I'm good friends with went to group 2. That sucks. But I found out that one of the girls in my group lives real close to me and her and I will carpool. That'll help so much. I'm not too familiar with that part of Atlanta. The good thing about being in group 1 though is I can face my fear of clinical and find out sooner that it's ok. Nothing to be afraid of. Plus I get it done and over with. We're also done with clinicals 2 weeks sooner (before Thanksgiving).
Friday: I attend clinical orientation. I still haven't met Mrs. Buchholz, my clinical instructor, but I'll meet her on the first day. We didn't actually go to the hospital, we sat in the auditorium at school and received lots of cool info about DeKalb Medical. We're going to be in the Cardiac Telemetry Unit. That sounds like it'll be ALOT of fun (ie interesting).
This Weekend: I'm going out to buy the supplies that I need for clinical (clipboard, pocket notebook, poclet nurses guide, etc) I feel like a kid starting school for the first time and having the honor of buying supplies. I also have to study for another Exam on Tuesday morning. Once again, Nursing tests aren't over what you know, it's "can you pick the best trick answer". Real frustrating. But my last 2 exam grades are 76 & 80... I have to score at least a 75 on all my test to pass Nursing school. So far so good. (I found out that they threw out one of the questions, one I just happened to get wrong, so my grade went from a 78 to an 80.)
Lord thank you for blessing me with the opportunity to become a nurse and help me to remember that this is a BLESSING and to stop whining because it can all be taken away in the blink of an eye. Amen.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
My brother David... RIP
I don't know what my deal is this afternoon. Well, I think I know. I found an old CD of mine in the car with music I burned back after my brother died. When something as insane as my brother dying so tragically happens, I often feel my emotions through music. There's a few songs that I could feel. It's hard to explain. Anyways, on the way home this afternoon I listened to it. It brought back alot of emotions I felt after he died.
Those who know me real well know that he was a few weeks shy of his 24th birthday. He had a beautiful daughter who was 5 years old at the time. From what I understand his long time girlfriend, and the mother of their child, cheated on him that night. He was a paramedic and that night he broke into one of the ambulances and stole an IV kit and vials of Norcuron and Etomidate. Those are two drugs given when you need to paralyze someone and put them to sleep in an emergency when you need to intubate them. But you only have a few minutes to get a tube in them and give them oxygen. They're paralyzed and unable to breathe. He went home, put his daughter to bed, text'd his gf to come get their daughter (apparantly so she'd find him), started an IV and gave himself those drugs. He simply fell asleep, stopped breathing, and died within minutes. Problem was his gf was out doing her thing and didn't get the message. When his daughter woke up the next morning she tried waking her daddy up. When she couldn't she ran to the neighbor (they lived in a duplex). The neighbor came over, realized he was dead, took Lana back to her house and kept her occupied while the EMS arrived. Ironically the very same paramedics he worked with were the same ones who responded to the call. They had to work to bring back their friend and colleague who was beyond gone.
My dad was also a fireman/paramedic and heard over the radio about a suicide at such and such address. He knew that was David's address. Imagine how he must've felt. He rushed over there. My step mother was a nurse at the hospital he was taken to. In fact, I think she worked in the ER at the time. All these people knew my brother and, although they knew without a doubt he was gone (you're brain dead within a few minutes and this was a few hours later) they busted their ass to save him.
My mom was on the phone with David's gf's mother at the time. I think they called her before my mom for some reason. She clicked over to take the call and then clicked back over to my mom and said "Vicki, don't panic but David tried to commit suicide." My mom went hysterical. She actually called 911 because she felt she couldn't drive. Of course, there's nothing that they can do for her so she had to get in the car and drive into town. Ironically on the way she ran into my grandmother and cousin and honked her horn hysterically to get them to pull over. That's when she told them and they all drove to the hospital together.
Shit this is so hard to recall all this but I have to do it. If I don't just get it out it will stay with me and I'll dwell on it. Where's the vodka?
Anyways, they all got there and my mom ran into some of the paramedics. They were all so upset. They told my mom he was dead. She went in the room to see my brother and got hysterical. She totally lost it. So did my dad and step mother. Security actually had to come by because my mom knew his gf had something to do with it and she was threatening to kill his gf.
I was at work in Georgia when I received the call. I have the details in another blog posting. I just went numb all over but once I tried to walk I about passed out. I totally lost it. It took several supervisors and the head of HR to calm me down. They got me in touch with my family in Ohio and called my husband and told him to come get me. When I talked to my dad on the phone I was hoping he'd tell me that David only ATTEMPTED it but he told me David was gone. I think I said something along the lines of "Well tell them they need to go back in there and bring him back." I was so losing it.
When I got home I contacted my Pastor. He talked to me for awhile and told me to come in the next morning for prayer and communion. That night I made reservations for a larger vehicle to rent to take to Ohio. I think I drugged myself to sleep that night. When I woke up the next morning I went to the Church and received prayer and communion. You cannot believe how much that helped. Afterwards we drove up to Ohio. The whole way there I was so scared. I wanted to see my brother but I was scared to. I thought it would be way too hard to.
Needless to say I did it. I cried so hard for so long. He was in a sort of formal fireman's uniform. He looked amazing. It was too unreal. I don't know if he could hear me but I talked to him. I told him how much I loved him and how sorry I was for anything in my life that was wrong. My mom and dad, who have been divorced for over 10 years at this point, kept fighting left and right so I was the go-between and had to be the adult of a bunch of children. It really killed me and stressed me out, but in a way it was good because I could focus on something other than just my brother. But boy was it exhausting. I didn't really get to start grieving until I got back to Georgia.
Anyways, I had a hard time at first. I drank alot on the weekends but I gave that up after one particularly rough night. I went out for a drive and had a "talk" with my brother. I was so upset. I went to the liquor store, bought something, went home and got drunk as hell. I felt miserable. I just started crying and Marty asked me what was wrong. I said "I did this so I wouldn't feel anymore pain. Now I'm drunk as hell, but I still hurt." That's when I decided that alcohol wasn't worth anything. Don't get me wrong. I wasn't like drunk on my ass all the time. Just when Marty was home on the weekends I *would* get drunk on my ass after the kids were in bed. It was just my own little drunk and alone world.
Now here I am 2 1/2 years later not doing too bad relatively. I refuse to step one foot in the state of Ohio. I don't want to go anywhere near where we grew up. I guess it's my own avoidance. Before and during all my tests I say a silent prayer and I ask my brother to see me through the tests. I think about him every day. I just really hope he is at rest. That's all I ask for.
Ok, one shot of tequila and I'm ready to lay down and watch Gremlins 2. I feel better now. Thanks everyone for listening :-)
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Nursing school, trumpets, mom’s, and birthdays
Ok the moment I've been waiting for is finally here. Nursing school!!!!! I start tomorrow. I'm scared out of my mind. It's in me... it's in my blood... it's who I am but I'm still scared. I'm sure I'll do fine but I'm out of my mind with anxiety. The good news is that I'm more than half way to becoming an RN now. I'm riding down the hill now. And I'm not consuming myself with a bunch of boring subjects that I don't give a damn about.
My mom is here in GA and that's nice. I don't see her too often. I think she's having a blast just playing lazy and hanging out with the boys. I had the day off and went to pick up Cody's trumpet. Yes! Cody's playing the trumpet! He's in 6th grade and he's SO loving it.
We celebrated Colin's 3rd birthday Saturday. We had a blast. It was a Spiderman party. He's all into Spiderman. I paid an arm and a leg for the whole shindig. I had red and blue streamer things everywhere, a spiderman table cloth, a spiderman cupcake cake... I also bought him a betta fish that was red and blue. We call it Spiderfish ("Spiderfish Spiderfish. Swims wherever a spiderfish swims...") Lots of people came by... it was me, my mom, Marty, Cody, Colin, Marty's dad "Pop", his wife Eleanor, their dog Odie, Marty's mom Bobbi and her husband Norman, Marty's brother Andy, his wife Laura, their kids Abby and AJ, my best friend Kenzie (who I'm currently pictured with) and her kids Gabby and Jayden. He got all kinds of Spiderman toys. He's on cloud nine!!
My mom is here in GA and that's nice. I don't see her too often. I think she's having a blast just playing lazy and hanging out with the boys. I had the day off and went to pick up Cody's trumpet. Yes! Cody's playing the trumpet! He's in 6th grade and he's SO loving it.
We celebrated Colin's 3rd birthday Saturday. We had a blast. It was a Spiderman party. He's all into Spiderman. I paid an arm and a leg for the whole shindig. I had red and blue streamer things everywhere, a spiderman table cloth, a spiderman cupcake cake... I also bought him a betta fish that was red and blue. We call it Spiderfish ("Spiderfish Spiderfish. Swims wherever a spiderfish swims...") Lots of people came by... it was me, my mom, Marty, Cody, Colin, Marty's dad "Pop", his wife Eleanor, their dog Odie, Marty's mom Bobbi and her husband Norman, Marty's brother Andy, his wife Laura, their kids Abby and AJ, my best friend Kenzie (who I'm currently pictured with) and her kids Gabby and Jayden. He got all kinds of Spiderman toys. He's on cloud nine!!
Friday, July 27, 2007
Sajjid Zahir Chinoy Final
Sajjid Zahir Chinoy’s speech was a rather remarkable one, like many commemorative speeches. It was given completely extemporaneouly, and given the quality of the speech, it can be assumed that he was very seasoned in speeches. He starts off his introduction very brief after thoroughly addressing both the audience and, most importantly, the University of Richmond’s Class of 1996.
He starts his speech out by creating a fantastic visual of his time and place. You feel as though you can picture the exact night that he is boarding the plane bound for the United States. The inflection in his voice varied dramatically and kept your attention. His pitch varied considerably when he needed to stress importance in certain topics of his speech. His addition of humor into his speech was just right. It kept the audiences attention, but didn’t go overboard.
He made a fantastic transition from his own thoughts of culture and how it applied to his life to cultural differences all over the world. He proceeded to describe different occasions when he spent time with various people he knew from the Unviersity of Richmond, experiencing major American holidays for the first time. To have the opportunity to share this with someone of a different culture was such a beautiful and moving experience. The differences didn’t matter between them and all the wars and conflicts in the world didn’t exist. He perfectly explained it when he said, “The commonality of the human bond far transcends these superficial differences.”
He makes fantastic contrast in his speech when he goes from emotionally moving and touching experiences in the United States to the slaughter of 300,000 in Bosnia in just a few years time. The reasons for the massive numbers were so petty. Simply because they were different. Nevermind the fact that they were all human beings, with the potential to learn and experience their differences like Sajjid Chinoy did.
He continues to describe the fighting between Hindus and Muslims in which 2,000 Indians were killed. He put it in perspective describing that they were fighting simply over a building. Something that could be built anywhere. But those lives could never be brought back.
And he explained how the only thing missing in his life-changing experience and the experiences of people in these war torn countries is that the people at the University of Richmond were accepting of their differences and embraced them. It would have been easy not to be sensitive to him.
In the end, he wraps up his speech by reiterating his initial question and provides the answer. He encourages the Class to take experiences such as his own out into the world to help make it a better place and to share their wisdom with the world. He ends by thanking the Class, I believe for both their attention during the speech, but also for the experiences of a lifetime and the lessons he learned from all of them. It is a fantastic extemporaeous speech, one of the best I’ve ever heard.
He starts his speech out by creating a fantastic visual of his time and place. You feel as though you can picture the exact night that he is boarding the plane bound for the United States. The inflection in his voice varied dramatically and kept your attention. His pitch varied considerably when he needed to stress importance in certain topics of his speech. His addition of humor into his speech was just right. It kept the audiences attention, but didn’t go overboard.
He made a fantastic transition from his own thoughts of culture and how it applied to his life to cultural differences all over the world. He proceeded to describe different occasions when he spent time with various people he knew from the Unviersity of Richmond, experiencing major American holidays for the first time. To have the opportunity to share this with someone of a different culture was such a beautiful and moving experience. The differences didn’t matter between them and all the wars and conflicts in the world didn’t exist. He perfectly explained it when he said, “The commonality of the human bond far transcends these superficial differences.”
He makes fantastic contrast in his speech when he goes from emotionally moving and touching experiences in the United States to the slaughter of 300,000 in Bosnia in just a few years time. The reasons for the massive numbers were so petty. Simply because they were different. Nevermind the fact that they were all human beings, with the potential to learn and experience their differences like Sajjid Chinoy did.
He continues to describe the fighting between Hindus and Muslims in which 2,000 Indians were killed. He put it in perspective describing that they were fighting simply over a building. Something that could be built anywhere. But those lives could never be brought back.
And he explained how the only thing missing in his life-changing experience and the experiences of people in these war torn countries is that the people at the University of Richmond were accepting of their differences and embraced them. It would have been easy not to be sensitive to him.
In the end, he wraps up his speech by reiterating his initial question and provides the answer. He encourages the Class to take experiences such as his own out into the world to help make it a better place and to share their wisdom with the world. He ends by thanking the Class, I believe for both their attention during the speech, but also for the experiences of a lifetime and the lessons he learned from all of them. It is a fantastic extemporaeous speech, one of the best I’ve ever heard.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Letter to President Johnson - History Assignment
Dear Mr. President,
I am writing in response to your request for my input with regards to the ongoing conflict in Vietnam. Although there is no perfect answer I can give you, I will provide to you the best course that I feel should be followed.
With the invention and popularity of the television, this war is the first to be brought into Americans’ living rooms. Once peaceful dinnertime meals are being interrupted by the violence of this war. People see what the media puts out there, which abstractly is not always the complete and total truth. Do not let the media dictate the direction of this war. Walter Cronkite is not the General here, do not allow him to steer this war. Public opinion is important, even more so with regards to reelection. But do not let it cloud your judgment. War is never a pretty thing and is to be avoided whenever possible. This is not something we want to initiate unless there is absolute necessity. There will be civilian casualties. Get as many people out as you can and then attack full-force. The international community will be dealt with later. Our allies will stick with us. Once the full impact of our victory is learned, we will be viewed in a positive light.
The attacks need to come on the Vietcong quickly. We are giving them a chance to watch and learn. They can be in a position to study us and, given their knowledge of the area, learn how to overcome us easily. We need to surprise them with an all out attack. Make it impossible for the Chinese and Russians to further supply the Vietnamese and focus attacks on supply routes near the border. Worry less about the number of lives lost on their side, and worry more on bombing strategic locations. Power plants need to be taken care of, as well as industrial locations. Focusing on key military installations before they are completed would work to our advantage.
Also, keep in mind what worked in Europe with the last World War, which proved very successful. It is an unfortunate consequence of war, but civilian lives will be lost. The more we can keep the numbers down the better. Attack key cities now. If we allow this war to continue ineffectively, the total number of civilian lives will turn out to be higher. So make the attacks quick, hard, and decisive.
In conclusion, it is the military that needs to make the decisions on how we should proceed. It is not the politicians looking to be reelected and benefiting themselves, and the media’s place to run this war, and boosting their ratings. If we are to win this war, it will be with a firm hand and an iron will. Speak regularly with the public in numerous addresses to update them. Give the media something to follow. Do not allow people to make their decisions based on selective information given by the press.
I am writing in response to your request for my input with regards to the ongoing conflict in Vietnam. Although there is no perfect answer I can give you, I will provide to you the best course that I feel should be followed.
With the invention and popularity of the television, this war is the first to be brought into Americans’ living rooms. Once peaceful dinnertime meals are being interrupted by the violence of this war. People see what the media puts out there, which abstractly is not always the complete and total truth. Do not let the media dictate the direction of this war. Walter Cronkite is not the General here, do not allow him to steer this war. Public opinion is important, even more so with regards to reelection. But do not let it cloud your judgment. War is never a pretty thing and is to be avoided whenever possible. This is not something we want to initiate unless there is absolute necessity. There will be civilian casualties. Get as many people out as you can and then attack full-force. The international community will be dealt with later. Our allies will stick with us. Once the full impact of our victory is learned, we will be viewed in a positive light.
The attacks need to come on the Vietcong quickly. We are giving them a chance to watch and learn. They can be in a position to study us and, given their knowledge of the area, learn how to overcome us easily. We need to surprise them with an all out attack. Make it impossible for the Chinese and Russians to further supply the Vietnamese and focus attacks on supply routes near the border. Worry less about the number of lives lost on their side, and worry more on bombing strategic locations. Power plants need to be taken care of, as well as industrial locations. Focusing on key military installations before they are completed would work to our advantage.
Also, keep in mind what worked in Europe with the last World War, which proved very successful. It is an unfortunate consequence of war, but civilian lives will be lost. The more we can keep the numbers down the better. Attack key cities now. If we allow this war to continue ineffectively, the total number of civilian lives will turn out to be higher. So make the attacks quick, hard, and decisive.
In conclusion, it is the military that needs to make the decisions on how we should proceed. It is not the politicians looking to be reelected and benefiting themselves, and the media’s place to run this war, and boosting their ratings. If we are to win this war, it will be with a firm hand and an iron will. Speak regularly with the public in numerous addresses to update them. Give the media something to follow. Do not allow people to make their decisions based on selective information given by the press.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Assignment for Public Speaking Class - Preliminary work for advertising
Introduction
• Establish Need (Hectic Lifestyle/Connecting to listener)- For a lot of women, time is a precious commodity. Women often work outside of the home, attend college, move kids from one sporting event to another… only to feel the frustration of housework piling up at home.
• Establish Need (Not enough money for full time help) Housekeeping services are available to some women, but what about the woman on a budget who can’t afford a housekeeper or a nanny?
o Solution – What if there was a way to take some of the pressure off without breaking the budget?
o Solution - Imagine giving up just one dinner at a restaurant a week to have all of your laundry picked up at your home, cleaned, ironed, folded AND delivered back to your home? For so many women this would be a dream come true, right?
Bailey’s Laundry Service.
• Founded by two retired schoolteachers and their granddaughter – college student.
o They weren’t looking to get rich, they just wanted to bring in some extra money.
o It started out in their home, doing laundry services for some family friends. Expanded.
• (Turning Point – Appeal to emotion) They realized the personal impact they had on people’s lives.
o Letter from a new client, Sophia.
o Husband was deployed overseas - three children and no family nearby to help.
o Navy wife
o Works two jobs to help make ends meet - exhausted at the end of the day to a house that needed cleaned and laundry that needed to be washed.
o The van arrived promptly at her house, picked up the clothes, and returned at the specified time that SHE chose.
o The clothes were clean, they were folded, and smelled so fresh.
o Extra couple of hours at the end of the night to spend with her kids. Keep in mind these kids missed their father and truly valued the time they had with their mother.
• Hidden value of service - $30 for that peace of mind.
• Even that one day of service was all she needed to take a deep breath and let someone else take care of things for a change.
Service Information
• Slipcovers, comforters, and dry cleaning of course come at a small extra charge of $2.00 an item, but what’s $2?
• Starch, bleach, and launder in Baby Soft upon request.
• All you have to do is place those items in a separate bag. When they pick up your items you simply request it and note will be taken.
• (Bonus) Complimentary mesh bags for the storage and transport of your clothes for the next service.
• As a special thank you first time customers receive 10% off their total.
• Tide clean and Snuggle soft clothes
• Establish Need (Hectic Lifestyle/Connecting to listener)- For a lot of women, time is a precious commodity. Women often work outside of the home, attend college, move kids from one sporting event to another… only to feel the frustration of housework piling up at home.
• Establish Need (Not enough money for full time help) Housekeeping services are available to some women, but what about the woman on a budget who can’t afford a housekeeper or a nanny?
o Solution – What if there was a way to take some of the pressure off without breaking the budget?
o Solution - Imagine giving up just one dinner at a restaurant a week to have all of your laundry picked up at your home, cleaned, ironed, folded AND delivered back to your home? For so many women this would be a dream come true, right?
Bailey’s Laundry Service.
• Founded by two retired schoolteachers and their granddaughter – college student.
o They weren’t looking to get rich, they just wanted to bring in some extra money.
o It started out in their home, doing laundry services for some family friends. Expanded.
• (Turning Point – Appeal to emotion) They realized the personal impact they had on people’s lives.
o Letter from a new client, Sophia.
o Husband was deployed overseas - three children and no family nearby to help.
o Navy wife
o Works two jobs to help make ends meet - exhausted at the end of the day to a house that needed cleaned and laundry that needed to be washed.
o The van arrived promptly at her house, picked up the clothes, and returned at the specified time that SHE chose.
o The clothes were clean, they were folded, and smelled so fresh.
o Extra couple of hours at the end of the night to spend with her kids. Keep in mind these kids missed their father and truly valued the time they had with their mother.
• Hidden value of service - $30 for that peace of mind.
• Even that one day of service was all she needed to take a deep breath and let someone else take care of things for a change.
Service Information
• Slipcovers, comforters, and dry cleaning of course come at a small extra charge of $2.00 an item, but what’s $2?
• Starch, bleach, and launder in Baby Soft upon request.
• All you have to do is place those items in a separate bag. When they pick up your items you simply request it and note will be taken.
• (Bonus) Complimentary mesh bags for the storage and transport of your clothes for the next service.
• As a special thank you first time customers receive 10% off their total.
• Tide clean and Snuggle soft clothes
Friday, April 13, 2007
Brown Decision Papers - US History Class Assignment
The Brown Decision Papers were a collection of the decisions made by the Supreme Court in 1954 (Brown vs Board of Education of Topeka) and of individual students affected by these decisions. The Supreme Court ruled that the previous Court’s decision (Plessy vs Ferguson 1896) of “Separate But Equal” educational facilities for African American’s was unconstitutional.
Document 1 describes the reasoning behind the Court’s decision. They felt that a child cannot obtain an equal education when denied the opportunity to attend public schools with other children, simply because of their skin color. An African American, provided he is equal physically and mentally, is no different than any other child and should be afforded the same opportunities educationally. Attending a separate school would not be considered equal.
In the Papers, several African American children give their views on receiving an education in desegregated schools. One child felt that you were able to learn more and participate in sports. At that time, although he was on the team, he wasn’t able to participate in all games because of the outrage of the people within the community. Although this was completely wrong and unfair, he was just excited to have the opportunity to play when we could. This was something he wasn’t able to do in segregated schools.
Another girl gives a description of how she felt more “normal”. She was accepted by most of her peers as a person, rather than a “Negro”. In her particular situation, she was not able to participate in the sports. The camps that the children attended were still segregated.
A girl in the Deep South in May 1966 rode to school with five other children and several reporters. Upon arriving at the school, one of the reporters was assaulted by someone from the waiting crowd. When the children got off of the bus, the principal told them that the school was full and they could not attend that school. He claimed that the school would be in violation of the fire code. The children later came back with a court order to find themselves alone. Fortunately, they finished out the school year and graduated.
Unfortunately, even though the Court ruled for desegregation, there were still many white southerners angry over the decision. In March 1956, the Southern Manifesto on Integration was written and signed by over 100 members of Congress. They felt as though the Constitution never granted education and the Supreme Court overstepped their boundaries by making the ruling as they did. They were very determined to have the ruling overturned.
The problem with the Court’s decision is that often it was not enforced. The children were forced to fend for themselves when attending school. No one was there to defend them. They were called names, treated badly, and shut out.
The treatment that some of them had to endure was beyond absurd and uncalled for. But because of their perseverance and determination many of these children found themselves with the education they so badly desired. The Brown Decision proved to be the most important decision made by the Supreme Court for countless numbers of African Americans throughout the United States.
Document 1 describes the reasoning behind the Court’s decision. They felt that a child cannot obtain an equal education when denied the opportunity to attend public schools with other children, simply because of their skin color. An African American, provided he is equal physically and mentally, is no different than any other child and should be afforded the same opportunities educationally. Attending a separate school would not be considered equal.
In the Papers, several African American children give their views on receiving an education in desegregated schools. One child felt that you were able to learn more and participate in sports. At that time, although he was on the team, he wasn’t able to participate in all games because of the outrage of the people within the community. Although this was completely wrong and unfair, he was just excited to have the opportunity to play when we could. This was something he wasn’t able to do in segregated schools.
Another girl gives a description of how she felt more “normal”. She was accepted by most of her peers as a person, rather than a “Negro”. In her particular situation, she was not able to participate in the sports. The camps that the children attended were still segregated.
A girl in the Deep South in May 1966 rode to school with five other children and several reporters. Upon arriving at the school, one of the reporters was assaulted by someone from the waiting crowd. When the children got off of the bus, the principal told them that the school was full and they could not attend that school. He claimed that the school would be in violation of the fire code. The children later came back with a court order to find themselves alone. Fortunately, they finished out the school year and graduated.
Unfortunately, even though the Court ruled for desegregation, there were still many white southerners angry over the decision. In March 1956, the Southern Manifesto on Integration was written and signed by over 100 members of Congress. They felt as though the Constitution never granted education and the Supreme Court overstepped their boundaries by making the ruling as they did. They were very determined to have the ruling overturned.
The problem with the Court’s decision is that often it was not enforced. The children were forced to fend for themselves when attending school. No one was there to defend them. They were called names, treated badly, and shut out.
The treatment that some of them had to endure was beyond absurd and uncalled for. But because of their perseverance and determination many of these children found themselves with the education they so badly desired. The Brown Decision proved to be the most important decision made by the Supreme Court for countless numbers of African Americans throughout the United States.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Mondays Suck
Well alot has happened since the last time I posted in my blog to actually say something. Of course, the most notable was the passing of Baby Meriah. She is my husband's niece, Jessica's, daughter. Let me tell you a little about Jessica. I met her 6 years ago at a family dinner. I believe it was Christmas. I am so shy when it comes to people I don't know. Ok, throw me in a situation with about 50 loud people who happen to be my new boyfriends family. I want to make a good impression and earn their respect. But this is like My Big Fat Greek Wedding shit going on! LOL But when I'm overwhelmed I shut down and hide. So I went to the couch. Now, don't get me wrong. He doesn't have a bad family. I love them all dearly, even though I'm sure there's a few who couldn't care less about me. Their loss, I still love them. Anyways... so I retreat to the couch. In comes this real pretty girl who is probably like 14, but looks 20. She sits next to me, sweet as can be and just starts chatting. Turns out we liked alot of the same things. Ok... I like this girl!! Although family gatherings continued to be intimidating to me I was always happy the few times Jessica actually was able to show up.
So imagine my surprise when 6 years later I find out she's going to have a baby of her own! Wow! If anyone can do it it's Jessica. I ended up finding her here on myspace and we emailed each other back and forth about a million times. It was so good to talk to her again. She traveled alot between Atlanta and Indianapolis so I hardly got to see her. Since my main drive in life is to be a Midwife I enjoyed talking to her about her pregnancy and reassuring her that "cesarean's are a breeze". Ok, it was for me both times LOL
I still remember the night I got the call from Marty's step-mother (Jessica's grandmother) that Jessica had her baby. I was on cloud nine!!! It was late at night, well, around 10 or 11. I couldn't sleep cause I had the adrenaline rush. I was so happy everything worked out good.
After she had her baby I would hear people talk about how she was a fantastic mother and I was so proud of her. Yeap. I knew she could do it. But then I got a call from Marty that Jessica's baby was sick in the hospital up in Indianapolis. Ironically she was sick with the same thing my cousin's (once again, ironically, named Jessica) one-month-old baby had. Strep pneumonia. I followed her situation over the last 2 or 3 weeks just praying that Meriah and Jessica would get a break. It never came. Meriah passed away Friday afternoon at 5:30pm.
It just pisses me off cause Jessica doesn't deserve this. I believe God has a plan and a reason for everything. But it just never makes sense. I hear she's not doing too bad considering. But right after a death is a weird time. It's like you're still in shock. You haven't really experienced life without that person not around. You're so busy planning the funeral that you don't have time to grieve. Everyone is there for you. There are flowers and cards everywhere. Phone calls galore. Visitors non-stop. Then everything quiets down. That's when it hits you. It's like the show is over and something is missing.
I HATE DEATH!!! It's so cruel and unforgiving. It's like evil in the pain it inflicts, but is still by the hand of God. Soon we find our comfort zone and find ways to cope. We turn out stronger and live to tell the tale. I guess just like I'm doing right now. I've endured the loss of my grandmother, my daughter, and a few other close family members and miscarriages. It never gets easier and you just wait for the next one to go.
Much love to Jessica and Meriah.
So imagine my surprise when 6 years later I find out she's going to have a baby of her own! Wow! If anyone can do it it's Jessica. I ended up finding her here on myspace and we emailed each other back and forth about a million times. It was so good to talk to her again. She traveled alot between Atlanta and Indianapolis so I hardly got to see her. Since my main drive in life is to be a Midwife I enjoyed talking to her about her pregnancy and reassuring her that "cesarean's are a breeze". Ok, it was for me both times LOL
I still remember the night I got the call from Marty's step-mother (Jessica's grandmother) that Jessica had her baby. I was on cloud nine!!! It was late at night, well, around 10 or 11. I couldn't sleep cause I had the adrenaline rush. I was so happy everything worked out good.
After she had her baby I would hear people talk about how she was a fantastic mother and I was so proud of her. Yeap. I knew she could do it. But then I got a call from Marty that Jessica's baby was sick in the hospital up in Indianapolis. Ironically she was sick with the same thing my cousin's (once again, ironically, named Jessica) one-month-old baby had. Strep pneumonia. I followed her situation over the last 2 or 3 weeks just praying that Meriah and Jessica would get a break. It never came. Meriah passed away Friday afternoon at 5:30pm.
It just pisses me off cause Jessica doesn't deserve this. I believe God has a plan and a reason for everything. But it just never makes sense. I hear she's not doing too bad considering. But right after a death is a weird time. It's like you're still in shock. You haven't really experienced life without that person not around. You're so busy planning the funeral that you don't have time to grieve. Everyone is there for you. There are flowers and cards everywhere. Phone calls galore. Visitors non-stop. Then everything quiets down. That's when it hits you. It's like the show is over and something is missing.
I HATE DEATH!!! It's so cruel and unforgiving. It's like evil in the pain it inflicts, but is still by the hand of God. Soon we find our comfort zone and find ways to cope. We turn out stronger and live to tell the tale. I guess just like I'm doing right now. I've endured the loss of my grandmother, my daughter, and a few other close family members and miscarriages. It never gets easier and you just wait for the next one to go.
Much love to Jessica and Meriah.
Friday, February 2, 2007
Vietnam Way - History Assignment
The United States became involved in the war against the North Vietnamese and the Viet Cong in 1959 under the presidency of Dwight D. Eisenhower. The North Vietnamese were under communist control, which threatened South Vietnam, which was a United States ally. The United States was in a position to stop the spread of Communism throughout the world and soon took an interest in Vietnam. When Lyndon B. Johnson became president after John F. Kennedy’s assassination he appointed William Westmoreland to be the commander of the US army.
In 1965, the United States started a full-scale aerial attack on North Vietnam. By the end of the year, there were nearly 200,000 troops fighting in the war. By mid-1966, there were approximately 430,000. Westmoreland believed that the North Vietnamese could be defeated in no time at all, within a few years of that time. The final battle didn’t occur until 1975; long after President Johnson’s presidency was over.
Walter Cronkite was a well-respected journalist for CBS news during the Vietnam War, who, for a while, was in support of the war. But on February 27, 1968, he made a personal speech that would affect the president in a very profound way. After an attack on the US embassy in Saigon he felt that the United States was not able to win the war in the way that they wanted to. In fact, he felt that there was essentially a stalemate. Continuing would mean the war would escalate and the enemy would always match us.
Clark Clifford was the Secretary of Defense during the Johnson administration. He was very pro-war and was in support of the president’s decisions. He also gave Johnson advice when it came to the war, most notably regarding the request for more troops. Eventually, he pushed for the withdrawal of the troops.
There are also a number of similarities between the mission in Vietnam and the current mission in Iraq. For one thing, support for the war started out strong. Eventually it became very unpopular. Protests soon began and the nation was torn. President Johnson began with high approval ratings and found himself with low ratings with the unpopularity of the war. President Bush decided to run for reelection, and won, whereas President Johnson found himself haunted by the war and chose not to run for reelection.
Troops were having a hard time fighting the enemy because he blended in so well with everyone else. Killing innocent civilians became an ill effect of the war. Another similarity is that of the locals. The locals welcomed the troops and seen them as saviors. The same thing is going on in Iraq; the people there appreciate what our troops are doing for them. The news media’s front line coverage of the war was new. People all over the world seen up close the death and destruction of the war. It seemed very real.
The war finally ended in 1973, with the withdrawal of the last of the United State’s troops. Saigon eventually ended up succumbing to the Viet Cong in 1975.
In 1965, the United States started a full-scale aerial attack on North Vietnam. By the end of the year, there were nearly 200,000 troops fighting in the war. By mid-1966, there were approximately 430,000. Westmoreland believed that the North Vietnamese could be defeated in no time at all, within a few years of that time. The final battle didn’t occur until 1975; long after President Johnson’s presidency was over.
Walter Cronkite was a well-respected journalist for CBS news during the Vietnam War, who, for a while, was in support of the war. But on February 27, 1968, he made a personal speech that would affect the president in a very profound way. After an attack on the US embassy in Saigon he felt that the United States was not able to win the war in the way that they wanted to. In fact, he felt that there was essentially a stalemate. Continuing would mean the war would escalate and the enemy would always match us.
Clark Clifford was the Secretary of Defense during the Johnson administration. He was very pro-war and was in support of the president’s decisions. He also gave Johnson advice when it came to the war, most notably regarding the request for more troops. Eventually, he pushed for the withdrawal of the troops.
There are also a number of similarities between the mission in Vietnam and the current mission in Iraq. For one thing, support for the war started out strong. Eventually it became very unpopular. Protests soon began and the nation was torn. President Johnson began with high approval ratings and found himself with low ratings with the unpopularity of the war. President Bush decided to run for reelection, and won, whereas President Johnson found himself haunted by the war and chose not to run for reelection.
Troops were having a hard time fighting the enemy because he blended in so well with everyone else. Killing innocent civilians became an ill effect of the war. Another similarity is that of the locals. The locals welcomed the troops and seen them as saviors. The same thing is going on in Iraq; the people there appreciate what our troops are doing for them. The news media’s front line coverage of the war was new. People all over the world seen up close the death and destruction of the war. It seemed very real.
The war finally ended in 1973, with the withdrawal of the last of the United State’s troops. Saigon eventually ended up succumbing to the Viet Cong in 1975.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
I'm one blessed girl
How does that song go? When I'm worried and I can't sleep I count my blessings instead of sheep? I can't say I'm very worried about anything but it doesn't hurt to count your blessings every once in awhile right?
I've got the best husband anyone in the world could ever ask for. He is such a tender heart with so much love.
I've got the BEST sons in the world and I just love them to death. They are happy and healthy and although they leave me pulling my hair out at times they still leave me with a smile on my face.
My three parents. Mom, Dad, and Step-Mother. Yes they are mental together but individually they are the best ones I could ever ask for. My mom is hella goffy but she's so full of love. My dad is soooo intelligent and has a good head on his shoulders. He really makes me laugh when he cracks the occassional joke or two because you don't expect it out of him!!! LOL My step mother is also a great friend of mine. She's so smart and has already been down the road I'm travelling now (academically). We get along great!
The Parents In-Law... all 4 of them. Marty's mom and step father are great people. We get along great, even if we butt heads sometimes. The same with Marty's dad. He is one stubborn man. But I still love him. Marty's step mother is pretty cool too. We email each other quite a bit because we have busy lives and never see each other. I enjoy the sometimes lengthy conversations!!!
The Brother & Sister In-Law... I absolutely love Marty's brother and his wife. You would have to meet his brother, but he is quite the character. I don't think he ever sleeps. Laura, his wife, is THE perfect sister-in-law. I love her to death and couldn't ask for a better SIL. She's a very smart woman with a fantastic personality.
My 900 cousins - I have TONS of cousins and 99% of them are beyonnnnnnnnd insane. But I still love them. The same goes for my aunts and uncles. A few of them I'd love to bust in the nose (AGAIN) but I still love them.
My FRIENDS!!! They are absolutely wonderful people. They are all smart, funny, and definitely unique!!! SOOO much love goes out to them!!
I've got the best husband anyone in the world could ever ask for. He is such a tender heart with so much love.
I've got the BEST sons in the world and I just love them to death. They are happy and healthy and although they leave me pulling my hair out at times they still leave me with a smile on my face.
My three parents. Mom, Dad, and Step-Mother. Yes they are mental together but individually they are the best ones I could ever ask for. My mom is hella goffy but she's so full of love. My dad is soooo intelligent and has a good head on his shoulders. He really makes me laugh when he cracks the occassional joke or two because you don't expect it out of him!!! LOL My step mother is also a great friend of mine. She's so smart and has already been down the road I'm travelling now (academically). We get along great!
The Parents In-Law... all 4 of them. Marty's mom and step father are great people. We get along great, even if we butt heads sometimes. The same with Marty's dad. He is one stubborn man. But I still love him. Marty's step mother is pretty cool too. We email each other quite a bit because we have busy lives and never see each other. I enjoy the sometimes lengthy conversations!!!
The Brother & Sister In-Law... I absolutely love Marty's brother and his wife. You would have to meet his brother, but he is quite the character. I don't think he ever sleeps. Laura, his wife, is THE perfect sister-in-law. I love her to death and couldn't ask for a better SIL. She's a very smart woman with a fantastic personality.
My 900 cousins - I have TONS of cousins and 99% of them are beyonnnnnnnnd insane. But I still love them. The same goes for my aunts and uncles. A few of them I'd love to bust in the nose (AGAIN) but I still love them.
My FRIENDS!!! They are absolutely wonderful people. They are all smart, funny, and definitely unique!!! SOOO much love goes out to them!!
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